Chest Jokes / Recent Jokes
A straight guy and a gay are in the men's room and the straight guy has his shirt unbuttoned exposing a heavy coat of chest hair. The gay asked how he came to have so much hair on his chest. He said, "I put Vaselineon it every night." That night the gay put Vaseline on his chest and went to bed. His partner George said, "What in the hell is that?" "It's to grow hair." he replied. "Bull shit!" said George. "If Vaseline grew hair... I'd have tail a mile long!
A few rules for what men can and cannot wear at a private pool.
1) Speedos. Speedos cannot be worn by men under the following conditions:
1A) If when you look down, you can't see the color of your Speedo, you probably should not be wearing one. No matter how manly your chest may be, if your belly exceeds your chest, it is not arousing to women to see your skimpy bathing suit.
1B) If your belly hangs down over the top of the Speedo, you should not be wearing one. No, women are not impressed that you can do finger acrobatics tying up your Speedo with only one hand, as the other hand is being used to lift up the fold of skin of your belly hanging mercilessly down over the top of your Speedo.
1C) If you have one of those penises that kind of stick straight out as opposed to hang down, you should not be wearing one. No, women do not get turned on by 1and a 1/2 inches of pure male passion raging from your loins.
1D) If you have a butt that is larger than most lawn more...
16> Under threat of an embargo, Yeltsin quickly apologizes for the USSR's early space program.
15> National Endowment for the Arts replaced by a roomful of President's relatives with typewriters.
14> Microsoft? Sell! IBM? Sell! Chiquita? Buy, baby, buy!
13> "Organ grinding" no longer refers to Presidential proclivities.
12> First President in diapers since the Reagan years.
11> Shiny red ass could be blamed on heredity instead of a wild night at the Little Rock Holiday Inn with a hooker named Wanda.
10> Pauly Shore receives the Presidential Achievement Medal in the Arts.
9> N. R. A. banquet ends badly with Charlton Heston shouting, "Get your filthy paws off me, you damn dirty ape!"
8> Four opposable thumbs allow for Chinese bribe-taking at twice the speed of current administration.
7> New Director of the FBI: Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp.
6> State of the Union address reduced to three minutes of dung-tossing and more...
A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything besides what he could forage and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees. One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines covering most of it and the man can't see any other buildings in the area. However, he sees smoke coming out of the chimney implying someone is home.
He knocks on the door and an old man answers, with a beard almost down to the ground. The old man squints his eyes and says "What do you want?"
The man says "I've been lost for the past three weeks and haven't had a decent meal or sleep since that time. I would be most gracious if I could have a meal and sleep in your house for tonight"
The old Chinese man says "I'll let you come in on one condition: You cannot mess around with my grandaughter"
The man, exhausted and hungry readily agrees, saying "I promise I more...
A man and a woman had been dating for about a year and their relationship was taking a turn towards getting serious.
The man proposed and she accepted, however she told him that she wanted him to know that her chest was just like a baby's.
He said that he loved her and that her measurements didn't matter to him. He also told her that his penis was also like a baby.
She said that she loved him and size didn't matter.
Come the day of the wedding and all went well. That night the happy couple checked into the honeymoon suite at the resort hotel.
The blushing bride was in the bathroom putting on a sexy nightie. Her husband was in the bed waiting.
As she entered the bedroom, she reminded him of her confession about her chest being like a baby.
"Don't worry honey," he said.
She took her nightgown off and her breasts were the smallest he had ever seen.
He said that he was going to get undressed and reminded her of his confession about more...
Three college girls went in for physicals,
Upon examining the first woman the Dr. notices she has a large letter 'H' imprinted on her chest. The Dr. asked her "how did you get this?"
She says "my boyfriend is from Harvard, he likes to leave his letter sweater on when we make love."
While examining the second woman the Dr. notices she has a large letter 'Y' imprinted on her chest. The Dr. asked her "how did you get this?"
She says "my boyfriend is from Yale, he likes to leave his letter sweater on when we make love."
During the examination of the third woman the Dr. notices a large letter 'M' imprinted on her chest. The Dr. says "I see your boyfriend is from the University of Minnesota!"
She responds "No, my girlfriend is from Wisconsin!"