Chief Jokes / Recent Jokes

Last Wish
Three hunters, Chuck, Thomas and Abe, are on safari. Unfortunately they are captured by cannibals, who start getting the cooking pots ready. The cannibal chief tells them they can each have one last wish.
"What`s your last request?" he asks Chuck, an American.
"I`d like a steak," he replies.
So the cannibals kill a zebra and serve Chuck with his steak.
"What do you want?" the cannibal chief asks Thomas, a Londoner.
"I`d like to smoke my cigar," which they let him do.
Then the chief asks Abe, an Israeli, "What`s your last wish?"
"I want you to kick my bum."
"Be serious," says the chief.
"Please do it - you promised," says Abe.
"OK," says the chief and delivers the requested kick. Abe then pulls out a gun, shoots the chief and a few other cannibals while the rest run away.
Chuck and Thomas are furious.
"Why didn`t you more...

The driver of a huge trailer lost control of his rig, plowed into an empty tollbooth and smashed it to pieces. He climbed down from the wreckage and within a matter of minutes, a truck pulled up and discharged a crew of workers.
The men picked up each broken piece of the former tollbooth and spread some kind of creamy substance on it. Then they began fitting the pieces together. In less than a half hour, they had the entire tollbooth reconstructed and looking good as new.
"Astonishing!" the truck driver said to the crew chief. "What was the white stuff you used to get all the pieces together?"
The crew chief said, "Oh, that was tollgate booth paste."

A Collection of Lawyer Jokes



An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?" The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four." The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced "Four." The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the more...

Ten Signs The Police Chief Hates You

10. He sends you on drug raids.... alone.

9. He refers to you as "Our Little Mascot."

8. The job description in your contract includes "crash test dummy" and "pepper-spray test subject."

7. Instead of a gun, you were issued a water pistol.

6. He always tells you that only wimps call for back-up.

5. He lied to you about an "officer exchange program" and put you on a plane to Siberia.

4. He doesn't like to be seen with you in public.

3. He makes up "missing persons" and then sends you to look for them.

2. You always get the patrol car with the flat tire, no gas, a dead battery, and a broken air conditioner.

1. Your locker is also the broom closet!!

A famous reporter was doing a documentary on the customs of the
American Indians. After a tour of a reservation that they were on,
she asked what was the significance and major differences in the
number of feathers on the head dresses that they were wearing.
She asked a young Indian who only had one feather on his head
dress. His reply was, "ME ONLY HAVE ONE WIFE, ME HAVE ONLY ONE
FEATHER."
She asked another young man, feeling that the first guy was only
joking. This young Indian had four feathers on his head dress. He
replied,"OGH! ME HAVE FOUR FEATHERS BECAUSE ME SLEEPS WITH FOUR
WIVES."
Still not convinced about the number of feathers actually indicated
the number of wives involved, she decided to interview the Chief. Now
the Chief had a head dress full of feathers, which needless to say,
amused the reporter. She asked the Chief, "Why do you have so many
feathers on your head more...

Three men were all applying for the same job as a detective. One was Polish, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. Rather than ask the standard questions during the interview, the chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer.When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked, "Who killed Jesus Christ?"The Jewish man answered without hesitation "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left.When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man who then left.When the Polish man arrived for his interview, he was asked the exact same question. He thought for a long time, before saying, "Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said, "OK, but get back to me tommorrow."When the Polish man arrived home, his wife asked "How did The interview go?" He more...

PLEASE ENGAGE BRAIN BEFORE SPEAKINGWhenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff. - - Mariah CareyQuestion: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever. - - Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contestResearchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana.... The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are. - - Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law. - - David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes. Smoking kills. If you're more...