Childhood Jokes / Recent Jokes

You've had at least one female relative who draws eyebrows on her face and they are always asymmetrical.You spent your entire childhood thinking that everyone calls roast beef "brisket".Your family dog responds to complaints uttered in Yiddish.Every Sunday afternoon of your childhood was spent visiting your grandparents.You've experienced the phenomena of 50 people fitting into a 10 foot wide dining room hitting each other with plastic plates trying to get to a deli tray.You thought pasta was the stuff used exclusively for kugel and kasha and bowties.You watched Lawrence Welk and Ed Sullivan every Sunday night.You were as tall as your grandmother by the age of seven.You never knew anyone who's last name didn't end in one of 5 standard suffixes.You thought all women's breasts were at least a C cup.You were surprised to find out that wine doesn't always taste like year-old cranberry sauce.You can look at gefilte fish and not turn green.You think the goyim are out to get more...

What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!

Childhood: Childhood is that wonderful time of your life when all you have to do to lose weight is to take a bath.
Vacations: People go on vacation to forget things, and when they open their suitcases, they realise they did.
Minor Surgery. A minor surgery is one performed on someone else.
Mealtime: Mealtime is when the kids sit down to continue eating.
Luck: Of course there's such a thing as luck. How else could you explain your enemies' successes?
Wedding: Showers for the bride and curtains for the groom!

He met her on a party. She was so outstanding, many guys chasing after her, while he was so normal, nobody paid attention to him. At the end of the party, he invited her to have coffee with him, she was surprised, but due to being polite, she promised. They sat in a nice coffee shop, he was too nervous to say anything, she felt uncomfortable, she thought, please, let me go home.. Suddenly he asked the waiter:

"Would you please give me some salt? I'd like to put it in my coffee."

Everybody stared at him, so strange! His face turned red, but, still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it.

She asked him curiously: why you have this hobby?

He replied: "when I was a little boy, I was living near the sea, I liked playing in the sea, I could feel the taste of the sea, just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I always think of my childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I more...