Chinese Jokes / Recent Jokes

Once upon a time, there lived two brothers - elder one named "Da Niu" (Big Cow), younger one called "Xiao Niu" (Little Cow). They were both English educated. Da Niu could not understand Chinese at all while Xiao Niu managed to write some simple sentences. There lived one lady - a very very pretty and sexy Chinese lady opposite their flat. Both brothers were hungry to "eat" this lady, but they kept their desire to themselves. Finally, Da Niu disclosed to Xiao Niu his lustful desire for this lady and requested Xiao Niu to write this lady a loveletter on behalf of himself. Definitely, Xiao Niu was upset and tried to sabotage his brother. So Xiao Niu wrote a note and flew it over to the lady: "Da Niu Bi Jiao Lan" (Da Niu is lazier). To Xiao Niu surprise, this did not make the lady disappointed about Da Niu but instead she so delighted when she saw this note and immediately hooked herself to Da Niu. Guess why? The lady has read sentences from right more...

A single Chinese man owns a Chinese restaurant, and one day a beautiful Chinese woman walks in. He immediately walks over and asks her out on a date. She agrees. They go out for a while, and soon, the man proposes to her. She says "Yes, but before we do, there`s something you must know. I have never had the sex, but I`ve read about it." He says that it`s not a problem, and they are married. On their honeymoon, the man tells his wife that since she`s a virgin, she can choose what they do first. She says "Oh, most honorable husband. I am honored to be your wife, even though I have never had the sex, but I`ve read about it. So, I have chosen to have the 69. The husband looks confused, and after thinking about it, he says "You want.. the beef and broccoli?"

There was once a Chinese emperor who had very refined taste buds and would eat only the finest of foods. He employed many people whose jobs involved just traveling the length and breadth of the land to find food of the highest quality for their emperor. It was unfortunate for them, however, that the emperor had peculiar cravings. One day the emperor called in his staff and said, "Well, today I want to eat a one hundred year old egg. This egg must be exactly one hundred years old." Well imagine the commotion in the palace! His staff jumped on their horses and traveled all over, trying to find an egg which was exactly one hundred years old. They looked and looked, and finally returned to the palace and approached the emperor. "Well", said the emperor, "did you find my egg?" One of his servants stepped forward and addressed his majesty. "No sir", he said, "we did not find an egg that was exactly one hundred years old. But we do have one here more...

China’s government banned the sale of the long awaited new Guns N Roses “Chinese Democracy” because it violated rules established by China's Ministry of Culture prohibiting the word "democracy" from use in the title of any work within mainland China. In a compromise move to appease Chinese censors, GNR frontman Axl Rose executed 4 Tibetan Monks and renamed the album “Chinese Brutally Oppressive, Totalitarian Regime”.

1. Blady war on our boarder, Sons of Bengal bheel crush these hoarders. All join CRP and Army, Bugger Chinese must flee.
2. Recruiting offishsars taking names, Whife say Bholanath don't be shamed, Put your name on top of the least, Phor phree clothing and phresh pheesh.
3. To the depoh all are sent, Banerjees, Choudhurys all did went, Debs, Deys, Duttas and Das, Shaking posterior with big arse.
4. Guptos, Ghosh, Guhas and Mondols, Looking like many dhobi bundles, Mookherjees, Chatterjees, Mazumdars and Mitters, Grinding tooths for hurt (heart) is bitter.
5. Shum-one is shouting tarn to right, Phor medical exam and eyeshight. Doctor is telling undress phull, But I am feeling blady phool.
6. Doctor putting tape around chest, Breathe in and out and dam the rest. Myself feeling bhery sai (shy), Doctor is pheeling near thigh.
7. Now for khaki clothing go, I am rushing but dhuti tore. Pushing, heaving, jostling and banging, But I pheel something is more...

This Chinese guy and cowboy walk into a bar, they both order coke. The cowboy drinks some of his and says "this coke tastes like piss! ". Then the Chinese guy says "me Chinese, me play joke, me go pee pee in your coke". then the cowboy says "me cowboy, me draw fast, me shoot bullet up your ass!!!"

A man walks into a Chinese restaurant but is told by the maitre'd there will be at least a twenty minute wait and would he like to wait in the bar. He goes into the bar and the bartender says, "What'll it be?"
The man replies, "Give me a Stoli with a twist."
The bartender squints at him for a few seconds, then smiles and says, "Once upon time were three little pigs..."