Choices Jokes / Recent Jokes

For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at a country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! "Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!" "Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."

The Ten Commandments
1. Thou shall not squeeze too hard on the opposite sexes genetalia
2. Thou shall not ask for a kiss, just give one or take one
3. Thou shall kiss at every given opportunity
4. If thou kissed someone, and was slapped, thou shalt not kiss her again.
5. Thou shall never bite when in the act of french kissing
6. Thou shall not pay for sexual intercourse
7. Thou shall not date members of state or Musicians
8. Thou shall not have sexual intercourse in public convieniences.
9. thou should never turn down free sexual intercourse
10. Procreate at will
Religions of the world
Taoism: Shit happens
Confucianism: Confucius say, shit happens
Hinduism: This shit has happened before
Buddhism: Shit happens, yet shit does not happen
Islam: Shit happens, is Allah wills
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to me?
Protestantism: Let shit happen to other people
Catholicism: If shit more...

Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary, System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor, Longing for the warmth of bedsheets, still I sat there, doing spreadsheets. Having reached the bottom line, I took a floppy from the drawer. Typing with a steady hand, I then invoked the SAVE command And waited for the disk to store, only this and nothing more.
Deep into the monitor peering, long I sat there wond'ring, fearing, Doubting, while the disk kept churning, turning yet to churn some more. "Save!" I said, "You cursed mother! Save my data from before!" One thing did the phosphors answer, only this and nothing more, Just, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
Was this some occult illusion? Some maniacal intrusion? These were choices undesired, ones I'd never faced before. Carefully, I weighed the choices as the disk made impish noises. The cursor flashed, insistent, waiting, baiting me to type some more. Clearly I must press a key, more...

Bill's all excited about his new rifle. So, he goes bear hunting in Alaska. The first bear he sees is a little brown bear, and he kills it with his first shot. There is a tap on his shoulder, and he turns around to see a big black bear.
The black bear says, "You've got two choices. One, I maul you to death or two, we have sex."
He bends over for the bear. He's sore for 2 days, but he recovers and vows revenge.
Bill heads out on another trip to Alaska and he finds the black bear and kills him. At that moment there is a tap on his shoulder. A huge grizzly is standing right behind him.
The grizzly says, "That was a big mistake. You've got 2 choices, "Either I maul you to death or we have sex."
Bill bends over. He survives, but he's really hurting and takes quite a bit of time to recover, and, he's outraged!
Sure enough, he heads back to Alaska and finds the grizzly and shoots him at point blank range. There's a tap on his shoulder. more...

Don was so excited to be going bear hunting. He spotted a small Brown Bear in the woods and shot it. Then there was a tap on his shoulder, he turned around to see a big Black Bear.

The Black Bear said, “Don, you’ve got two choices, either I maul you to death or we have sex. ” Don decided to bend over.

Even though he felt sore for two weeks Don soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip where he found the Black Bear and shot it. There was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge Grizzly Bear was standing right next to him.

The Grizzly said, “That was a huge mistake Don. You’ve got two choices. Either I maul you to death, or we have rough sex. ” Again, Don thought it was better to comply.

Although he survived, it took several months before Don finally recovered. Outraged he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the Grizzly and shot it. He felt the sweet taste of revenge. But then there was a tap more...

This bloke goes bear hunting with a .22 rifle, a .303 & an elephant gun. He comes to the edge of this clearing and spots a bear. He aims his .22 rifle at the bears head, bang, then races over, looks around, no bear. Suddenly he gets a tap on the shoulder, looks around, 15 foot of grizzly standing there. Bear says 'You must be a sandwich short of a picnic. A .22 rifle and 15 foot of grizzly. I'll tell you what, you've got two choices. Either I crush you to death or you can drop your strides, bend over that rock and I'll give you one'
The hunter replies ' I suppose it's got to be over the rock then'
After the bears had him he walks back to his car, when he gets there he thinks I'll go back with the .303 rifle this time and have him. He gets back to the clearing, the bears there. He takes aim, bang, races over, looks around, no bear. Suddenly, a tap on his shoulder, he looks around, 15 foot of grizzly again. The bear says ' You must be stupid or something. You've got two choices more...

Don was so excited to be going bear hunting. He spotted a small Brown Bear in the woods and shot it. Then there was a tap on his shoulder, he turned around to see a big Black Bear. The Black Bear said,' Don, you've got two choices, either I maul you to death or we have sex.' Don decided to bend over. Even though he felt sore for two weeks Don soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip where he found the Black Bear and shot it. There was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge Grizzly Bear was standing right next to him. The Grizzly said,' That was a huge mistake Don. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death, or we have rough sex.' Again, Don thought it was better to comply. Although he survived, it took several months before Don finally recovered. Outraged he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the Grizzly and shot it. He felt the sweet taste of revenge. But then there was a tap on his shoulder. Don turned round to find a giant Polar more...