Church Jokes / Recent Jokes

"Equal" is not always synonymous with "the same." Men and women are created equal; but boys and girls are not born the same.
1. You throw a little girl a ball, and it will hit her in the nose. You throw a little boy a ball, and he will try to catch it. Then it will hit him in the nose.
2. You dress your little girl in her Easter Sunday best, and she'll look just as pretty when you finally make it to church an hour later. You dress a boy in his Easter Sunday best, and he'll somehow find every mud puddle from your
home to the church, even if you're driving there.
3. Boys' rooms are usually messy. Girls' rooms are usually messy, except it's a good smelling mess.
4. A baby girl will pick up a stick and look in wonderment at what nature has made. A baby boy will pick up a stick and turn it into a gun.
5. When girls play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they like to dress them up and play house with them. When boys play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they more...

Actual bloopers found on church bulletin boards:
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Taylors. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
The peace-making meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water.
The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.
Barbara C. remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
The 'Over 60s Choir' will be disbanded for the summer more...

At a church meeting a very wealthy man rose to tell the rest of those present about his Christian faith.
"I'm a millionaire," he said, "and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. I remember that turning point in my faith. I had just earned my first dollar and I went to a church meeting that night. The speaker was a missionary who told about his work.
" I knew that I only had a dollar bill and had to either give it all to God's work or nothing at all. So at that moment I decided to give my whole dollar to God. I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a rich man today."
He finished and there was an awed silence at his testimony as he moved toward his seat. As he sat down a little old lady sitting in the same pew leaned over and said to him, "I dare you to do it again."

The Pastor approaches his pulpit one Sunday and said, "Before we get started today I want you to know that there are rumors running rampant-I've heard that there are many of you out there been a He's and a She's out of wedlock-if you been then get up and get out of my church right now!"
Some couples got up and left.
Then he said, "Some of you been a He's and He's-I want you to get up and get out of my church right now!"
Some guys got up and left.
He says, "Some of you ladies been a she's and she's-leave my church right now!" Some women left.
Old Brother Brown in the back got up and was leaving.
Pastor asked, "Where you going' Brother Brown?"
Brother Brown replied, "I know sooner or later you'll be getting' to men's and a men's and I'm just getting head start......"

Quasimodo Levy - 1
Quasimodo Levy had finally decided to retire and the Abbott placed an advert in the Church gazette for a new bell ringer. One day a man with no arms came to the church to apply for the bell ringer`s position. The Abbott, being an equal opportunity employer, said he would consider the armless man for the position if he could prove he could do the job. The armless man was led to the bell tower and when Quasimodo Levy asked him to do his stuff, the man got a running start and charged face-first into the bell. A beautiful melodious tone sang through the valley. So beautiful that all the townspeople came out of their houses crying, "who rang that bell - such a sound - hire him, hire him!"
Quasimodo Levy promptly asked him to ring the bell again. The man again took a running start but unfortunately slipped and plunged over the parapet to his death.
The townspeople were aghast and one called out, "who was that man?"
Quasimodo Levy more...

ancient Romanian proverb...
The church is near,
but the roads are icy.
The tavern is far,
but I will walk carefully!

Walking across a bridge one day, one man saw another man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So the first man ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?" the second man said. The first man said, "Well, there's so much to live for!" "Like what?" the suicidal man said said. "Well, are you religious or atheist?" "Religious." "Me too! Are your Christian or Buddhist?" "Christian." "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?" "Protestant." "Me too! Are your Episcopalian or Baptist?" "Baptist!" "Wow! Me too! Are your Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord? "Baptist Church of God!" "Me too! Are your Original Baptist Church of God or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?" "Reformed Baptist Church of God!" "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of more...