Church Jokes / Recent Jokes

Here is a collection of freshman history bloopers collected by a Canadian history professor (Anders Henrickson) over the years.
During the Middle Ages, everybody was middle aged. Church and state were cooperatic. Middle Evil society was made up of monks, lords and surfs. It is unfortunate that we do not have a medivel European laid out on a table before us, ready for dissection.
After a revival of infantile commerce slowly creeoed into Europe, merchants appeared. Some were sitters and some were drifters. They roamed from town to town exposing themselves and organized big fairies in the countryside.
Mideval people were violent. Murder during this Period was nothing. Everybody killed someone. England fought numerously for land in France and ended up wining and losing. The Crusades were a series of military expaditions made by Christians seeking to free the holy land (the "Home Town" of Christ) from the Islams.
In the 1400 hundreds most Englishmen were more...

On a nice, bright sunshiney day, three couples came to visit the local Priest in order to join the Catholic Church. By a strange coincidence, One couple was young, one was old and one was middle-aged.
The Priest told the couples that they could join the church only if they proved they were sincere by first abstaining from sex for one week. The couples all agreed to meet back at the church in one week.
One week later, as promised, the couples all came back and the Priest asked of the Old Couple,
"Did you abstain from sex?"
The old couple both shook their heads and the Priest said, "Fine! Welcome to the Catholic Church!"
The Priest then asked the middle-aged couple, "Did you abstain from sex?". The Middle Aged woman smiled and said, "It was tough, but we made it."
"FINE! Welcome to the Catholic Church!"
The priest then turned to the young couple and asked, "Did you abstain from sex?"
The young more...

A church soloist was delighted when one of the members spoke to him after church and said, "You have a very mellow voice."

The soloist went home and looked up the definition of the word "mellow" in the dictionary. He read, "Mellow: overripe and almost rotten."

A man enters the confessional and says to the Irish Priest, "Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I have had sex with Fannie Green every week for the last month."The priest tells the sinner "You are forgiven. Go out and say 3 Hail Marys."Soon, another man enters the confessional. "Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have had sex with Fannie Green twice a week for the last two months."This time the priest asks, "Who is Fannie Green?""A new woman in the neighbourhood," the sinner replies. Very well, says the priest. Go and say 10 Hail Mary's. The next morning in church, the priest is preparing to deliver his sermon when, suddenly a gorgeous, tall woman enters the church. All the men's eyes fall upon her, as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down
in front of the altar. Her dress is green and very short, with matching shiny emerald green shoes. The priest and altar boy gasp, as the woman more...

At a small parish in rural England there lived a priest, and several nuns. One day, one of the older nuns was noticing that the rugs in the church were beginning to fray.
She went to the priest and told him, "Father, I believe your rugs need to be replaced soon."
The priest thanked her for bringing it to his attention, and told her that he thought that she had been there long enough to refer to church property as 'our' not 'your.'
Several days later, the same nun noticed that the hedge needed to be trimmed.
She again went to the priest and told him, "Father, I've noticed that your...I mean our hedge needs to be trimmed."
The priest thanked her for again bringing something to his attention and this time asked her if she had seen his watch that had gone missing. She said she hadn't, but assured him she would look for it.
A few days later the parish received word that the bishop would be coming for a visit. The entire parish was busy readying more...

...you think tuna hotdish is a gourmet meal.. ..your idea of an affirmation is "This is most certainly true.". ..you feel guilty about not feeling guilty.. ..it's 110 degrees outside and you still have coffee after services.. ..change means wearing your brown suit instead of your blue suit to church.. ..you read your Catechism and start arguing theology with yourself because no one else is around.. ..the most mail you receive all year is from the Stewardship Committee.. ..you take your grandfather to McDonalds for breakfast and he asks for a large order of McLefsa.. ..you win $10 million in the lottery and decide to throw a party and money is no object, so you advertise in the church bulletin, rent the parish hall, and ask all of your friends to bring a side dish or salad.

The little girl's dad was Jewish and her mom was Catholic. Mom had been taking the little girl to church every Sunday.One Sunday, during High Mass, the little girl whispers to her mom, “Mom, can we go home now?”“No honey, not yet,” replied the mother, “the Mass is only half over.”“Then we can go now, Mom. I'm half Jewish.”