Circle Jokes / Recent Jokes

An old farmer was hauling a load of manure when he was stopped by a state trooper. "You were speeding," the cop said. "I'm going to have to give you a ticket."

"Yep," the farmer said as he watched the trooper shoo away several flies.

"These flies sure are terrible," the trooper complained.

"Yep," the farmer said. "Them are circle flies."

"What's a circle fly?"

"Them flies that circle a horse's tail," answered the farmer. "Them are circle flies."

"You wouldn't be calling me a horse's ass, would you?" the trooper angrily asked.

"Nope, I didn't," the farmer replied. "But you just can't fool them flies."

One day while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck. The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car. He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle. Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires. The blonde started laughing. This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield. This time the blonde laughed even harder. Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car. The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny. The blonde giggled and replied, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

The Chocolate Ritual (You need to know a bit about wicca for this to be a knee slapper.. . )

Materials required: On the altar are brown candles, a Tootsie Roll (the big one), a large glass with milk in it (the chalice), a small dish of Nestle's Quik and a spoon, a small dish of chocolate sprinkles, a plate of cupcakes, and some Yoo-Hoo along with a goblet. The athame is represented by a cake knife reserved only for cutting Devil's Food Cake, and the pentacle is represented by a chocolate star.

CLEANSE THE SACRED SPACE:
(take the small bowl of chocolate sprinkles)

Chocolate sprinkles where thou art
Cast no calories in thy presence last.
Let no fat adhere to me
And as I will so mote it be!

Nestle's Quik where thou art cast
Turn this milk to chocolate fast.
Let all good things come to me,
and make my milk all chocolatey!

CAST THE CIRCLE
(using the Tootsie roll)

CALL THE more...

Top 50 Worst Reasons to pull an all-nighter
by Jeremy "Shaggy" Toeman ([email protected])
NOTE: an all-nighter means missing one night's worth of sleep.
Heated "Less-filling" "Tastes great" debate.
Need to figure out which way is east. Wait for sunrise.
Watching Professional Wrestling.
Writing script to "Problem Child 3" in an attempt to put to rest all
the unanswered questions from 1 and 2.
Cramming for a test you have the following week.
Waiting for friend to call back with answer to "How do you keep an
idiot up all night?"
Anything involving latin, Taylor's series, or heat transfer.
Attempting to discover how many licks it takes to get to the center
of a Tootsie Pop.
Slightly confused on that whole 5 o'clock shadow thing.
Listening to every CD you own using that cool "intro" feature that
comes in SO handy with every CD player available.
John more...

A blonde just bought a new $80,000 sports car. She was driving it for the first time when a very large truck driver motions for her to pull over.
A little afraid, she does as shes told. The truck driver draws a white circle with chalk and tells the blonde to get out of her car and stand in the circle and dont move.
She does as shes told, and the truck driver gets out a knife and starts cutting her leather seats.
She starts laughing. The truck driver asks, "Why are you laughing?"
She just kept laughing, so the truck driver starts pouring gas all over her seats.
The blonde starts cracking up, and he asks, "Why are you laughing?"
She just kept laughing, so the truck driver pulled out his knife again and pops all her tires, she starts laughing histarically. He asks, "Why are you laughing?" She answers, " Well, when you werent looking I stepped out of the circle three times..."

A blonde and a trucker man were in a terrible accident. The trucker man gets out of his truck and it is completeing demolished but her car was OK.So, he grabs a piece of chalk and draws a circle and graps the blonde and tells her to stay in the circle.
The trucker grabs a knife and rips the leather seats of her car he turns and looks at the blonde she is giggling
"Oh, you think thats funny", "Yes, the blonde replies."
So, he grabs a bat and smashes the windows in her car. "The blonde is laughing pretty hard now." "Would, you stop laughing.She, continues to laugh.
The trucker grabs some gasoline pours it on the car and lights it on fire.
The blonde is laughing so hard now she is falling on the ground."What is so damn funny"
the blonde replies "Everytime you turned around I stepped out of the circle."

A married couple have been stranded on a deserted island for many years. One day another man washes up on shore. He and the wife become attracted to each other right away, but realize they must be creative if they are to engage in any hanky-panky. The husband, however, is very glad to see the second man there. "Now we will be able to have three people doing eight hour shifts in the watchtower, rather than two people doing 12-hour shifts." The newcomer is only too happy to help and in fact volunteers to do the first shift. He climbs up the tower to stand watch. Soon the couple on the ground are placing stones in a circle to make a fire to cook supper. The second man yells down, "Hey, no screwing!" They yell back, "We're not screwing!" A few minutes later they start to put driftwood into the stone circle. Again the second man yells down, "Hey, no screwing!" Again they yell back, "We're not screwing!" Later they are putting palm leaves on more...