Citizens Jokes / Recent Jokes
It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home or in a coroners office. Signs are required to be written in English. It is against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp. One man may not be on another man's back. Though it is illegal to spit from a car or bus, citizens may spit from a truck.You have the right to commit simple battery if provoked by "fighting" words. Members of the state assembly cannot be ticketed for speeding while the state assembly is in session. Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs. No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket if it is Sunday. It is illegal to take a bath of orange peel.Acworth: All citizens must own a rake. Columbus: Can't cut off a chicken's head on Sunday. Columbus: It is illegal to carry a chicken by it's feet down Broadway on Sunday. Gainesville: Chicken must be eaten with the hands. Jonesboro: It is illegal to say "Oh, Boy" Kennesaw: Every head of more...
Recently a tour bus full of senior citizens was traveling along an interstate. Suddenly, an elderly woman in the back screamed and jumped out of her seat. The driver pulled over and headed toward the back of the bus. When the driver got to the woman, he asked what was wrong. The woman replied, "There`s a man trying to molest me!" The driver asked the other passengers, but no one had seen anything. The driver turned to the woman and said, "You must have scared off the man when you screamed." The woman agreed and returned to her seat. The bus driver resumed driving, but a few miles down the road the same woman, again, screamed and jumped out of her seat. Once again, the driver pulled over and headed to the back of the bus. "What`s wrong now?" asked the driver. The woman replied, "That man trying to molest me, he`s under my seat!" The driver looked under the seat, and sure enough there was an old bald guy. The driver said to the man, "Sir, more...
A Los Angeles company is producing the reality TV game show "Who Wants to Marry a U.S. Citizen," which will attempt to bring together legal citizens and immigrants with temporary visas.
Each loser will receive a complimentary head start.
Senior citizens are constantly being criticized for every conceivable deficiency of the modern world, real or imaginary. We know we take responsibility for all we have done and do not blame others. BUT, upon reflection, we would like to point out that it was NOT the senior citizens who took:
The melody out of music,
The pride out of appearance,
The romance out of love,
The commitment out of marriage,
The responsibility out of parenthood,
The togetherness out of the family,
The learning out of education,
The service out of patriotism,
The religion out of school,
The Golden Rule from rulers,
The nativity scene out of cities,
The civility out of behavior,
The refinement out of language,
The dedication out of employment,
The prudence out of spending, or
The ambition out of achievement.
And we certainly are NOT the ones who eliminated patience and tolerance from personal relationships and interactions with more...
I just recently did a show for some Very Old senior citizens...they didn't have much money to pay me so...I made them laugh real hard and at the end of my show.....I picked up their teeth..lot of gold in those fillings...ha ha
The young immigrant couple had just left the courthouse after being sworn in as American citizens." It is wonderful," the husband exclaimed. "We are American citizens at last! Do you know what this means to us my dear wife?" "Yes, you male chauvinist pig," his wife replied. "Tonight, you cook dinner and I get on top!"
What are seniors citizens worth? They are worth a fortune, with all the silver in their hair, gold in
their teeth, stones in their kidneys and lead in their feet.
As for myself, I have become a little older since I saw you last and a few changes have come into my
life since then. Frankly, I have become quite a frivolous old gal. I am seeing five gentlemen every
day. As soon as I wake up, Will Power helps me get out of bed. I immediately go to see John. After
that Charlie Horse comes along, and he really takes a lot of my time and attention. When he leaves,
Arthur Ritis shows up and stays for the rest of the day. However, he doesn't like to stay in one
place very long, so he just takes me from joint to joint. Finally after such a busy tiring day, I'm
really glad to be able to go to bed with Ben Gay. What a life!!
P. S. The preacher came by the other day. He said at my age, I should be thinking about the hereafter.
I told him,' Oh I do more...