City Jokes / Recent Jokes

You Know You're in New York City When...1. Nuns walk down the street carrying automatic weapons.2. You can run into the corner deli and have an eat-in lunch with dessert in the time it takes to cross the intersection of 8th and 42nd at rush hour.3. A flying saucer can pass overhead and you hear the locals say, "Ack. More damned aliens."4. The aroma of smoked meat is able to counteract the smell of smog and pollution.5. The priest in the cadillac behind you gives you the finger for cutting him off.6. You pass a convenience store advertising "Free green cards, no questions asked."7. The gas station attendants actually speak English.8. The unearthly pounding of the cranked up bass in the El Camino next to you is drowned out by the cabshonking their horns.9. A person with rainbow striped hair can pass bywithout anyone staring.10. The bumper sticker on the senior citizen's car in front of you reads, "Warning: I break for pedestrians."

A police chief, a fire chief and a city manager were traveling together by car to a municipal management conference in a distant city. Their car broke down in a rural area, and they were forced to seek shelter for the night at a nearby farmhouse.

The farmer welcomed them in but cautioned them that there were only two spare beds, and that one of them would have to sleep in the barn with the farm animals. After a short conference, the police chief agreed to take the barn.

Shortly after retiring, a knock was heard on the door of the farmhouse. The party inside answered to find the police chief standing there, complaining that he could not sleep. There were pigs in the barn, he said, and he was reminded of the days when everyone called him a pig. The fire chief then volunteered to exchange with the police chief.

A short time later, another knock was heard at the door. The fire chief complained that the cows in the barn reminded him of Mrs. O'Leary's cow more...

An Italian walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.
He tells the loan officer that he is going to Italy on business for
two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security
for the loan, so the Italian hands over the keys to a new Ferrari.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank. The Italian
produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees
to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the
Italian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's
underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Italian returns, repays the $5,000 and the
interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says,
"Sir, we are very happy to more...

There are three Jewish mothers bragging about their sons. The first one says "My son is very successful. He is the best lawyer in New York City."
The second one says, "My son has done better than that. He is the best doctor in New York City."
The third one says, "My son has not done that well. He does not have a very good job, and he is homosexual. But he has these two great boyfriends... One is the best lawyer in New York City, and the other is the best doctor in the city!"

this Irishman walks into a bar and he notices down at the end of the bar, threes a guy that looks identical to himself. he walks up to the man and says, my gosh man, we look a like. the Irishman at the bar said, your right my man, we sure do. the other Irishman said, i just moved here from Ireland a month ago. the other Irishman said, that is amazing, i just moved here from Ireland a month ago. the other Irishman said, well tell me chap, what city in Ireland are you from? Dublin, replied the other Irishman. the other Irishman said, i can not believe this, IM also from Dublin the other Irishman said, well what school did you go to in Dublin? St. Francis my friend, replied the other Irishman. the other Irishman said, i can not believe this, i also went to St. Francis, my gosh we both came here from Ireland, from the same city, the same school, this is really amazing. about that time this other guy comes in and sits down at the bar and says to the bartender, whets up Sam? the bartender more...

Chicago sent its police chief, fire chief, and city attorney to a municipal management conference in Indiana. While driving through a rural area, their car broke down, and they sought assistance at a nearby farmhouse.
The farmer told them that the local garage was closed, and that they were welcome to spend the night, but that he only had one spare bed. He told them that somebody could sleep on his couch, but that one of them would have to spend the night in his barn.
The police chief announced that he would volunteer to sleep in the barn. A short time later there was a knock at the door. It was the police chief, complaining that he could not sleep. There were pigs in the barn, and they reminded him of insults that had been yelled at him, and he was too disturbed to sleep.
The fire chief stated that he would trade with the police chief, and went out to the barn. A short time later, again there was rapping at the door. It was the fire chief, who complained that the cows more...

A farmer, who went to a big city to see the sights, asked the hotel's clerk about the time of meals. "Breakfast is served from 7 to 11, dinner from 12 to 3, and supper from 6 to 8," explained the clerk. "Look here," inquired the farmer in surprise, "when am I going to get time to see the city?"