Claim Jokes / Recent Jokes
The AOL Car
The AOL car would have a TOP speed of 40 MPH yet have a 200 MPH speedometer.
The AOL car would come equipped with a NEW and fantastic 8-Track tape player.
The car would often refuse to start and owners would just expect this and try again later.
The windshield would have an extra dark tint to protect the driver from seeing better cars.
AOL would sell the same model car year after year and claim it's the NEW model.
Every now and then the brakes on the AOL car would just "lock-up" for no apparent reason.
The AOL car would have a very plain body style but would have lots'a pretty colors and lights.
The AOL car would have only one door but it would have 5 extra seats for family members.
Anyone dissatisfied could return the car but must continue to make payments for 6 months.
If an AOL car owner received 3 parking tickets AOL would take the car off of more...
(name withheld) Minnetonka, MN 55345Superior Health Insurance ATTN: Claims Review 1423 W. 90th St. New York, NY 05016Dear Sir: This letter is in response to your recent letter requesting a more detailed explanation concerning my recent internment at Methodist Hospital. Specifically, you asked for an expansion in reference to Block 21(a)(3) of the claim form (reason for hospital visit). On the original form, I put "Stupidity". I realize now that this answer was somewhat vague and so I will attempt to more fully explain the circumstances leading up to my hospitalization. I had needed to use the restroom and had just finished a quick bite to eat at the local burger joint. I entered the bathroom, took care of my business, and just prior to the moment in which I had planned to raise my trousers, the locked case that prevents theft of the toilet paper in such places came undone and, feeling it striking my knee, unthinkingly, I immediately, and with unnecessary force, returned the more...
Only 30% of us can flare our nostrils.
21% of us don't make our bed daily. 5% of us never do.
Men do 29% of laundry each week. Only 7% of women trust their husbands to do it correctly.
40% of women have hurled footwear at a man.
67.5% of men wear tightie whities (briefs).
3 out of 4 of us store our dollar bills in rigid order with singles leading up to higher denominations.
13% of us admit to occasionally doing our offspring's homework.
91% of us lie regularly.
27% admit to cheating on a test or quiz.
29% admit they've intentionally stolen something from a store.
50% admit they regularly sneak food into movie theaters to avoid the high prices of snack foods.
90% believe in divine retribution.
10% believe in the 10 Commandments.
82% believe in an afterlife.
45% believe in ghosts.
13% (mostly men) have spent a night in jail.
29% of us are virgins when we marry.
58.4% have called into work sick when we weren't.
10% more...
Point out the lice in his beard to make him feel self-conscious. Pause for a moment, listen carefully, and say, "Doesn't that sound a lot like a B-52?" Ask him if he's looking forward to replacing Hitler as Satan's favorite chew toy in the lowest inferno of Hell. Tell him all about your great vacation to Saudi Arabia, where you went absolutely everywhere and did everything, just stomped all over the place. Use his satellite phone to call the time and weather line in Buenos Aires and leave it off the hook. Tell him how much less you paid for your Kalashnikov rifle. Now that you know the address of his secret cave hideout, fill out magazine subscription cards for him for the Wine Spectator and Penthouse. But do not, under any circumstances, send him Popular Mechanics. Order him ten Domino's pizzas with extra ham topping. Correct him when he ends a sentence with a preposition. Ask whether the Taliban gets cable, because you haven't seen "Sex and the City" for weeks. more...
Seeing how the All Blacks were motivated by performing The Haka before their world cup games, the other nations were asked to suggest pre-match rituals of their own....
The England team will chat about the weather, wave hankies in the air and attach bells to their ankles for a while before moaning about how they invented the game, and gave it to the world, and how it's not fair that everyone can beat them now.
The Scotland team will realise they only have fourteen players and recruit a Jamaican living in East Anglia who has never been north of Doncaster.
The Ireland team will spilt into two, with the Southern half performing a Riverdance, while the Northerners march the Traditional route from their dressing room to the pitch, via their opponents dressing room.
Unfortunately the Welsh suggestion has been vetoed by the RSPCA.
Argentina will unexpectedly invade a small part of opposition territory, claim it as their own Las more...
Below are actual insurance claim form gaffes. These are NEW (mostly), and are the collection made by Norwich Union for their annual Christmas mag... but. .. they've escaped.
"I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought."
"I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."
Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A: Travelled by bus?
A Norwich Union customer collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were: Q - What warning was given by you? A - Horn Q - What warning was given by the other party? A - Moo
"I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard."
"On approach to the traffic lights the car in front more...
Two indecisive miners were arguing over who should get what part of their latest claim. "Do you want the gold or the silver?" the first miner finally asked. Shrugging his shoulders, his partner replied, "Either ore."