Claim Jokes / Recent Jokes

EggNoggVille (pronounced Egga Nogga Ville)
Christmas in the Florida Keys
Adapted from Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville by a friend.

Livin' on fruit cake,
watchin' the sun bake,
all of them snowbirds covered with oil.
Strummin' my six string,
on my front porch swing,
singin' Christmas songs from days of old.
CHORUS
Wastin' away in Egga Nogga Ville,
Didn't get a Christmas present at all
Some people claim that Santa Claus is to blame,
but I know, it's nobody's fault.
Put on my flip flops,
drove to a park lot,
threw a tree on my car then I cruised on back home.
Where there's rum in the blender,
with milk and eggs it will render,
that chilly concoction that helps me hang on.
CHORUS
Wastin' away in Egga Nogga Ville,
Didn't get a Christmas present at all
Some people claim that Santa Claus is to blame,
but I know, it's nobody's fault.
Don't know the reason,
I'm more...

If IBM made toasters. .. They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe six toasters. If Microsoft made toasters. .. Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a toaster. You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd still have to pay for it anyway. Toaster'95 would weigh 15000 pounds (hence requiring a reinforced steel countertop), draw enough electricity to power a small city, take up 95% of the space in your kitchen, would claim to be the first toaster that lets you control how light or dark you want your toast to be, and would secretly interrogate your other appliances to find out who made them. Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters, but nonetheless would buy them since most of the good bread only works with their toasters. If Apple made toasters. .. It would do everything the Microsoft toaster does, but 5 years earlier. If Xerox made toasters. .. You could more...

A Charlotte, NC, lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars. and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.
In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued... and won! In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous.
The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire, and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy more...

Rumors have been circulating regarding what the troopers were shouting after they found the man hiding Elian Gonzalez in a closet during the raid of the house that was illegally holding him. Some people claim they were shouting,"Bingo! Bingo! Bingo!" Others claim it was "Score! Score! Score!"But the real truth is, when the trooper ripped open the closet door and was brought face to face with the fisherman holding Elian, he shouted, "Drop the chalupa!"

A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against... get this...fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in "a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion. The man sued...and won! In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable, and also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against fire, without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire," it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the more...

A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of very rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against... get this... fire.
Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in "a series of small fires."
The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion. The man sued... and won.
In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable, and also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against fire, without defining what it considered to be unacceptable fire," it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss.
Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance more...

A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of very rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against... get this... fire.Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in "a series of small fires."The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion. The man sued... and won.In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable, and also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against fire, without defining what it considered to be unacceptable fire," it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss.Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the more...