Claim Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: What’s the national bird of Iraq?
A: DUCK!
Q: What’s the fastest way to break up a bingo game in Baghdad?
A: You shout out, “B-52?
The latest from Saudi Arabia and Baghdad is that:
Americans claim they have air superiority over Iraq.
Iraqis claim they have air superiority over Iran.
Q: Why doesn’t Saddam go out drinking?
A: Why should he when he can get bombed at home?
Q: What does Saddam Hussein have in common with Fred Flinstone?
A: They both can look out of their window and see rubble!
Q: Have you heard about the new Royal Iraqi Air Force exercise program?
A: Each morning you raise your hands above your head and leave them there.
Q: What should Iraq get for its air defense system?
A: A refund.
Q: Who is an Iraqi Hero?
A: He’s the one that waited thirty seconds before he surrendered.
If IBM made toasters...
They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe six toasters.
If Microsoft made toasters...
Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a toaster. You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd still have to pay for it anyway. Toaster'95 would weigh 15000 pounds (hence requiring a reinforced steel countertop), draw enough electricity to power a small city, take up 95% of the space in your kitchen, would claim to be the first toaster that lets you control how light or dark you want your toast to be, and would secretly interrogate your other appliances to find out who made them. Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters, but nonetheless would buy them since most of the good bread only works with their toasters.
If Apple made toasters...
It would do everything the Microsoft toaster does, but 5 years earlier.
If Xerox made more...
If IBM made toasters...
They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe six toasters.
If Microsoft made toasters...
Everytime you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a toaster. You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd have to pay for it anyway. Toaster'95 would weigh 15,000 pounds (hence requiring a reinforced steel countertop), draw enough electricity to power a small city, take up 95% of the space in your kitchen, would claim to be the first toaster that lets you control how light or dark you wanted your toast to be, and would secretly interrogate your other appliances to find out who made them. Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters, but nonetheless would buy them since most of the good bread only works with their toasters.
If Apple made toasters...
It would do everything Microsoft toaster does, but 5 years earlier.
If Fisher-Price made more...
If IBM made toasters...They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe six toasters. If Microsoft made toasters...Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a toaster. You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd still have to pay for it anyway. Toaster'95 would weigh 15000 pounds (hence requiring a reinforced steel countertop), draw enough electricity to power a small city, take up 95% of the space in your kitchen, would claim to be the first toaster that lets you control how light or dark you want your toast to be, and would secretly interrogate your other appliances to find out who made them. Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters, but nonetheless would buy them since most of the good bread only works with their toasters. If Apple made toasters...It would do everything the Microsoft toaster does, but 5 years earlier. If Xerox made toasters...You could toast more...
If IBM made toasters...
They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be submitted
for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide market for five,
maybe six toasters.
If Microsoft made toasters...
Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a toaster.
You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd still have to pay for
it anyway. Toaster'95 would weigh 15000 pounds (hence requiring a
reinforced steel countertop), draw enough electricity to power a small
city, take up 95% of the space in your kitchen, would claim to be the
first toaster that lets you control how light or dark you want your
toast to be, and would secretly interrogate your other appliances to
find out who made them. Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters, but
nonetheless would buy them since most of the good bread only works with
their toasters.
If Apple made toasters...
It would do everything the Microsoft toaster does, more...
The Difference between Most Men and REAL Men Real Men..put you on the phone when their mothers call. Most Men..pretend you're not there when their moms call. Real Men..claim to be feminist but still insist on opening doors, driving, and paying for dinner. Most Men..claim to be feminists because they let YOU open doors, drive, and pay for dinner. Real Men..know what they want to be doing five years down the road. Most Men..are not sure what they want to be doing later tonight. Real Men..really know how to make you relax. Most Men...really know how to make you laugh. Real Men..read Crichton, watch Rather, play golf. Most Men..read King, watch Seinfeld, play poker. Real Men..make a lot of money before they are 30. Most Men..make a lot of mistakes before they are 30. Real Men..wear ties with stripes, shirts with buttons, and shoes with laces. Most Men..wear high school T-shirts they've actually owned since high school. Real Men..think perfume (yours) is a turn-on. Most Men..think sweat more...
One day in contract law class, a professor asked one of his better students, "Now, if you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?"
The student replied, "Here's an orange."
The professor was livid.
"No! No! Think like a lawyer!" the Professor instructed.
The student then recited, "Okay, I'd tell him,' I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding..."