Claim Jokes / Recent Jokes

Cigar Insurance - Supposedly True
A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a box of 24 rare and very expensive cigars, insured them against… fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company.
In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in “a series of small fires. ” The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion. The man sued, and won.
In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that the man held a policy from the company in which it was warranted that the cigars were insurable. The company, in the policy, had also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against fire, without defining what it considered to be “unacceptable fire, ” and so, the company was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss. Rather than endure a more...

Scientists Discover Previously Unknown Holidays
by S.J.Zeve at Hacker Times December 16, 1985
Researchers at the Hacker Institute have discovered a previously unknown pair of holidays similar in nature to All Saints Day and Halloween. Researchers claim that these holidays have been missed in the past due to their rather specialized natures and a non-religious orientation.
Adding to the confusion is the fact that the holidays seem, in many respects, to be fairly young in age and so not quite settled properly into calendar slots as are such older and more staid holidays as Christmas, New Years, Thanksgiving, Easter, Purim, Hannukah, and so forth. Indeed these two new holidays not only float around within the calendar from year to year on every currently known calendar system, but they are even known to shift position depending on where in the world you are celebrating them. For example, in the USA they might be celebrated in June while in Argentina they get celebrated in more...

AOL announced another rate increase today moving the ulimited access rate up too $23.90/month. Thought this joke was appropriate to celebrate the occassion. 1. The AOL car would have a TOP speed of 40 MPH yet have a 200 MPH speedometer. 2. The AOL car would come equipped with a NEW and fantastic 8-Track tape player. 3. The car would often refuse to start and owners would just expect this and try again later... and later... and later... and oh forget it. 4. The windshield would have an extra dark tint to protect the driver from seeing better cars. 5. AOL would sell the same model car year after year and claim it's the NEW model. 6. Every now and then the brakes on the AOL car would just "lock-up" for no apparent reason. 7. The AOL car would have a very plain body style but would have lots of pretty colors and lights. 8. The AOL car would have only one door but it would have 5 extra seats for family members. 9. Anyone dissatisfied could return the car but must continue to make more...

A farmer who's been involved in a terrible road accident with a large truck ended up in court fighting for a big compensation claim.

"I understand you're claiming damages for the injuries you're supposed to have suffered?" Stated the counsel for the insurance company.

"Yes, that's right," replied the farmer, nodding his head.

"You claim you were injured in the accident, yet I have a signed police statement that says that when the attending police officer asked you how you were feeling, you replied,' I've never felt better inn my life.' Is that the case?"

"Yeah, but" stammered the farmer.

"A simple yes or not will suffice," counsel interrupted quickly.

"Yes," Replied the farmer.

Then it was the turn of the farmer's counsel to ask him questions. "Please tell the court the exact circumstance of events following the accident when you made your more...

Beers For Geeks
DOS Beer:
Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz can, but now comes in a 16-oz can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2-oz each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.
MAC Beer:
At first, came only in a 16-oz can, but now comes in a 32-oz can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the waste bin.
Windows 95 Beer:
The world's most popular beer. Comes in a 16-oz can that looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own more...

A farmer who's been involved in a terrible road accident with a large truck ended up in court fighting for a big compensation claim.
"I understand you're claiming damages for the injuries you're supposed to have suffered?" Stated the counsel for the insurance company.
"Yes, that's right," replied the farmer, nodding his head.
"You claim you were injured in the accident, yet I have a signed police statement that says that when the attending police officer asked you how you were feeling, you replied, 'I've never felt better inn my life.' Is that the case?"
"Yeah, but" stammered the farmer.
"A simple yes or not will suffice," counsel interrupted quickly.
"Yes," Replied the farmer.
Then it was the turn of the farmer's counsel to ask him questions. "Please tell the court the exact circumstance of events following the accident when you made your statement of health," his lawyer more...

A farmer who's been involved in a terrible road accident with a large truck ended up in court fighting for a big compensation claim."I understand you're claiming damages for the injuries you're supposed to have suffered?" Stated the counsel for the insurance company."Yes, that's right," replied the farmer, nodding his head."You claim you were injured in the accident, yet I have a signed police statement that says that when the attending police officer asked you how you were feeling, you replied, 'I've never felt better inn my life.' Is that the case?""Yeah, but" stammered the farmer."A simple yes or not will suffice," counsel interrupted quickly."Yes," Replied the farmer.Then it was the turn of the farmer's counsel to ask him questions. "Please tell the court the exact circumstance of events following the accident when you made your statement of health," his lawyer said."Certainly," replied the farmer. more...