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RECOUNT DEMANDED BY METSNEW YORK (AP) --The New York Mets announced today that they are going to court to get an additional inning added to the end of Game 5 of the World Series. The batting, pitching, and bench coaches for the Mets held a press conference earlier today. They were joined by members of the Major League Players Union. "We meant to hit those pitches from the Yankee pitchers," said the Mets batting coach. "We were confused by the irregularities of the pitches we received and believe we have been denied our right to hit." One claim specifically noted that a small percentage of the Mets batters had intended to swing at fast balls, but actually swung at curve balls. It was clear that these batters never intended to swing at curve balls, though a much higher percentage were not confused by the pitches. Reporters at the press conference pointed out that the Mets had extensively reviewed film of the Yankees pitchers prior to the World Series and had in fact more...

This is for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you do any of these things on the first day of class or for that matter, on any day of class.
31. Watch the professor through binoculars.
32. Start a "wave" in a large lecture hall.
33. Ask to introduce your "invisible friend" in the empty seat beside you, and ask for one extra copy of each handout.
34. When the professor turns on his laser pointer, scream "AAAGH! MY EYES!"
35. Correct the professor at least ten times on the pronunciation of your name, even it's Smith. Claim that the i is silent.
36. Sit in the front row reading the professor's graduate thesis and snickering.
37. As soon as the first bell rings, volunteer to put a problem on the board. Ignore the professor's reply and proceed to do so anyway.
38. Claim that you wrote the class text book.
39. Claim to be the teaching assistant. If the real one objects, jump up and scream more...

One day in Contract Law class, a Professor asked one of his better students,' 'Now, if you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?''

The student replied,' 'Here's an orange.''

The professor was livid.' 'No! No! Think like a lawyer!'' the Professor instructed.

The student then recited,' 'Okay, I'd tell him,' I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding...''

Q: What's the national bird of Iraq? A: DUCK!
Q: What's the fastest way to break up a bingo game in Baghdad? A: You shout out, "B-52"
The latest from Saudi Arabia and Baghdad is that: Americans claim they have air superiority over Iraq. Iraqis claim they have air superiority over Iran.
Q: Why doesn't Saddam go out drinking? A: Why should he when he can get bombed at home?
Q: What does Saddam Hussein have in common with Fred Flinstone? A: They both can look out of their window and see rubble!
Q: Have you heard about the new Royal Iraqi Air Force exercise program? A: Each morning you raise your hands above your head and leave them there.
Q: What should Iraq get for its air defense system? A: A refund.
Q: Who is an Iraqi Hero? A: He's the one that waited thirty seconds before he surrendered.

WARNING: This Product Attracts Every Other Piece of Matter in the Universe, Including the Products of Other Manufacturers, with a Force Proportional to the Product of the Masses and Inversely Proportional to the Distance Between Them.
HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE: The Mass of This Product Contains the Energy Equivalent of 85 Million Tons of TNT per Net Ounce of Weight.
CAUTION: This Product Contains Minute Electrically Charged Particles Moving at Velocities in Excess of Five Hundred Million Miles Per Hour.
CONSUMER NOTICE: Because of the "Uncertainty Principle," It Is Impossible for the Consumer to Find Out at the Same Time Both Precisely Where This Product Is and How Fast It Is Moving.
ADVISORY: There is an Extremely Small but Nonzero Chance That, Through a Process Know as "Tunneling," This Product May Spontaneously Disappear from Its Present Location and Reappear at Any Random Place in the Universe, Including Your Neighbor's Domicile. The Manufacturer more...

Bring a blowhorn. Use it when you ask or answer a question.
Heckle the professor.
Hire a video crew to come to the class. If asked about it, say that you have to tape the lecture for a friend.
Bring a water gun. Shoot the professor when his back is turned.
Get the other students in your row to do the wave.
Bring a small chalkboard to class. Ask the professor if you can borrow his chalk to take notes.
Contradict everything the professor says. Offer irrefutable scientific proof.
If it's a math lecture, claim that the professor misspelled pi.
When the professor asks a question, raise your hand. If the professor calls on you, point to someone in the next row and say "He knows." Pick a different person each time.
Buy a doll. When you go to class, leave the doll in your chair, along with your notebook and pen. Say that you have an important meeting to go to, and that the doll will be taking notes for you.
Bring a typewriter. Use it to take more...

Bring a blowhorn. Use it when you ask or answer a question.
Heckle the professor.
Hire a video crew to come to the class. If asked about it, say that you have
to tape the lecture for a friend.
Bring a water gun. Shoot the professor when his back is turned.
Get the other students in your row to do the wave.
Bring a small chalkboard to class. Ask the professor if you can borrow his
chalk to take notes.
Contradict everything the professor says. Offer irrefutable scientific
proof.
If it's a math lecture, claim that the professor misspelled pi.
When the professor asks a question, raise your hand. If the professor calls
on you, point to someone in the next row and say "He knows." Pick a different
person each time.
Buy a doll. When you go to class, leave the doll in your chair, along with
your notebook and pen. Say that you have an important meeting to go to, and that
the doll will be taking notes for you.
Bring a more...