Clark Jokes / Recent Jokes
I saw the new Superman movie over the weekend and my first and overwhelming reaction:
Boy, are the people in Metroplis stupid! And if I ever commit a crime, I want those gullible morons in my jury.
(I won't reveal any major plot points, except for the whole "Superman was away" thing which is kinda implied by the Superman returns title anyway) So, naturally, Clark Kent was away for five years, too.
So as soon as Clark Kent comes back into town, Superman starts saving people?
Coincidence? You'd think not, but apparently these Metropolian morons can't put two and two together even when you're prompting them with "ffffoooouuuu..."
What's even more annoying is they actually include a scene where a couple of them are close to figuring it out, and then Clark looks over and gives them a goofy smile and akward wave, and they're like, "Ha! We were really on the wrong track with THAT one!"
Knock Knock
Who's there!
Clark!
Clark who?
Clark your car in the garage!
Rules for Bank robbers
According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are "unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes," committed by young male repeat offenders who apparently don't know the first thing about their business. This information was included in an interesting, amusing article titles "How Not to Rob a Bank," by Tim Clark, which appeared in the 1987 edition of The Old Farmers Almanac.
Clark reported that in spite of the widespread use of surveillance cameras, 76 percent of bank robbers use no disguise, 86 percent never study the bank before robbing it, and 95 percent make no long-range plans for concealing the loot. Thus, he offered this advice to would-be bank robbers, along with examples of what can happen if the rules aren't followed: Pick the right bank. Clark advises that you don't follow the lead of the fellow in Anaheim, Cal., who tried to hold up a bank that was no longer in business and had no money. On the other hand, you don't more...
Knock KnockWhos there! Clark! Clark who? Clark your car in the garage!
Mr. Rupert was upset because his boss, Mr. Clark, told him to reduce his two-person division by half. That meant he had to fire eiiher Jack or Jill, both of whom he deeply respected.
Troubled by the prospect, he called Jill into his office and shut the door. Mr. Clark happened to be passing by just then and waited to see what would happen; a few seconds later the beautiful young woman stormed from Mr. Rupert's office, grabbed her purse, and left the building.
Mr. Clark walked over to the dismayed Mr. Rupert.
"I see you decided to fire Jill."
Mr. Rupert shook his head. "No sir, I never got that far."
"What do you mean?" asked his surprised boss.
"Well, sir, all I said was,' JH, I don't know whether to lay you or Jack off,' and she was gone!"
I've been watching that NBC stand-up competition Last Comic Standing. The talent level is so bad in this show that comedian and host Anthony Clark might actually have a chance.
When introducing judge Tim Meadows, Clark actually used the phrase "blockbuster hits such as Mean Girls and The Ladies Man". You choose the punchline.
According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are "unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes," committed by young male repeat offenders who apparently don't know the first thing about their business. This information was included in an interesting, amusing article titles "How Not to Rob a Bank," by Tim Clark, which appeared in the 1987 edition of The Old Farmers Almanac.
Clark reported that in spite of the widespread use of surveillance cameras, 76 percent of bank robbers use no disguise, 86 percent never study the bank before robbing it, and 95 percent make no long-range plans for concealing the loot. Thus, he offered this advice to would-be bank robbers, along with examples of what can happen if the rules aren't followed:
Pick the right bank. Clark advises that you don't follow the lead of the fellow in Anaheim, Cal., who tried to hold up a bank that was no longer in business and had no money. On the other hand, you don't want to be too familiar more...