Class Jokes / Recent Jokes

A teacher was in class on Friday evening (last period).
She told the class that whichever student answered the
question correctly could have Monday off.
She asked "Who is the President of the United States?"
A boy rose his hand and said "Bill Clinton."
The teacher told him he could have Monday off, but the boy told her that he
was Jewish and that Jews don't take holidays for no reason.
The teacher told him not to raise his hand again and she decided to ask
another question. She said "What is the name of the last province that
joined in confederation with Canada?"
Another boy rose his hand and said "Newfoundland."
The teacher told him that he could have Monday off but the boy said that he
too was a Jew.
A big bully who was sitting at the back of the class said "Stupid Jews."
The teacher called out "Who said that?"
The bully called back "Hitler Miss! See yah more...

It was the first day of school and a new student named Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said "Give me Liberty, or give me Death?" She saw a sea of blankfaces, except for Martinez, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775." "Very good! Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for thepeople, shall not perish from the earth'"? Again, no response except from Martinez: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863.", saidMartinez. The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed.Martinez, who is new to our country, knows more about its history thanyou do." She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans.""Who said that?" she demanded. Martinez put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836." At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glares and asks "All right! Now, more...

The class has started and almost all the students were
in-class, prepared to expand their knowledge.
The teacher walked in and said, " Good morning class!"
and the students replied....
The teacher called out each student.
The replies were, "yes Ms. B" or "here" or "present" or
"taking a dump" or "absent"...... but for some reason, when the
teacher called out Jonny, there was no reply....
...... and there appeared our little Jonny at the door.... he
gave an innocent look.
Teacher: Jonny, why are you late?
Jonny: Ms. B, I was on top of Cherry Hill...
Teacher: Have a seat Jonny.
The teacher continued with the attendance..... and when she
called out Mark...... once again there was no reply.....
...... and there was Mark, right at the door with torn clothes....
Teacher: Mark! Are you OK?
Mark: Yes Ms. B....
Teacher: Now, what is your reason more...

The teacher was conducting a class in nutrition and asked the class to name four qualities of mohter's milk.
Little Johnny pipes up and says, "I know teacher!"
Number One: It's fresh.
Number Two: It's nutritious.
Number Three: I't served at just the right temperature.
And Number Four: It comes in a cool container!

In school I was never the class clown, but more the class trapeze artist...I was always being suspended.

It was the first day of school and a new student named Toshiba, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered fourth grade.
After greeting the class, the teacher said, "We'll begin by reviewing some American history. Who was it that said, 'Give me Liberty, or give me death'?"
She saw only a sea of blank faces, except for that of Toshiba, who had his hand up. "That was Patrick Henry, 1775," the boy said.
"Now," said the teacher, ""who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth'?"
Again, Toshiba was the only student to respond. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863," he said.
The teacher snapped at the class, "You should be ashamed. Toshiba, who is new to our country, knows more about it than you do."
Turning to write something on the blackboard, she heard a loud whisper, "Damned Japanese."
"Who said that?" demanded the teacher.
Toshiba more...

In the Sex Ed class the teacher says, "All right, class, I want you to go home and come back tomorrow with as many positions as you can think of for making sex."The next day she says to Little Johnny in the back, "Well, John, how many positions did you come up with?"Johnny says, "Seventy-three."The teacher says, "Oh, my goodness... uh... very good, John, very good..."She calls on Becky in the front and says, "All right, Becky, how about you?"Becky says, "Gee, teacher, I only came up with one... where the guy just lays on top of the girl."Johnny yells, "Seventy-four."