Clean Jokes / Recent Jokes
"Two tone paint work" - Original color and rust.
"One careful owner" - But the other nine were clumsy as anything.
"10,000 trouble-free miles" - Crashed in the last 20 feet.
"Heated rear window" - So you don't get cold hands when push-starting the thing in winter.
"Very clean" - Only washed if and when it rains.
"Lady owner" - The glove box is full of half-used cosmetics.
"Clean interior" - All the rubbish is under the floormats.
"Immobilizer" - The gear shift comes off in your hand.
"Anti-theft device" - I can let you have a Rottweiler cheap.
"Drives beautifully" -... in a straight line; the steering is all over the place.
"Low mileage" - The odometer is on its third time around.
"Full service history" - Charlie in the garage round the corner checked it over last week.
"Economical" - Doesn't use more...
The Horses are at the gate:
1. Passionate Lady
2. Bare Belly
3. Silk Panties
4. Conscience
5. Jockey Shorts
6. Clean Sheets
7. Thighs
8. Big Dick
9. Heavy Bosom
10. Merry Cherry
And away they go:
Conscience is left behind at the post. Jockey Shorts and Silk anties are off in a hurry. Heavy Bosom is being pressured. Passionate lady is caught between Thighs, Big Dick is in a very dangerous spot.
In the back stretch:
It's Bare Belly on top. Thighs open and Big Dick is pressed in. Heavy Bosom is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets. Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly. Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Dick.
Around the final turn:
Merry Cherry cracks under the strain. Big Dick is making a final drive. Bare Belly is in and Passionate Lady is coming.
At The Finish:
It's Big Dick giving everything he's got more...
If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
A Clean House Is A Sign Of A Misspent Life
Help Keep the Kitchen Clean - Eat Out
Housework Done Properly Can Kill You
Countless Numbers Of People Have Eaten In This Kitchen and Gone On To Lead Normal Lives
My next house will have no kitchen --- just vending machines
A Messy Kitchen Is A Happy Kitchen And This Kitchen Is Delirious
No Husband Has Ever Been Shot While Doing The Dishes
Instructions on how to clean your toilet 1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl. 2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. 3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid. 4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this. 5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse". 6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door. 7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids. 8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off. 9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean. Sincerely, The Dog
A sardarji was driving down the highway to Disneyland when he saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT".After thinking for a minute, he said to himself "oh well !" and turned around and drove home. On his way home the same surd drove past another sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time he drove eight miles, he had cleaned 43 restrooms.
Santa and Banta went into a diner that looked as though it had seen better days. As they slid in to a booth, Banta wiped some crumbs from the seat. Then he took a napkin and wiped some moisture from the table. The waitress came over and asked if they wanted some menus.
"No thanks," said Santa. "I`ll just have a cup of black coffee."
"I`ll have black coffee too," Banta said. "And please make sure the cup is clean."
The waitress shot him a nasty look. She turned and marched off in to the kitchen. Two minutes later, she was back.
"Two cups of black coffee," she announced. "Which one of you wanted the clean cup?"
Today's local newspapers had a humour page with following matrimonial published in it.
DOCTOR = Recently a love-bug injected in me a strange bacteria, making me desirous of marriage. I'm looking for a girl who is patient and has knowledge of all ills and pills, is religious minded and keeps away from all sins be it anasin, metasin or crosin. I promise to be a good doctor with no side effects. Apply or reply.
LAWYER = I hereby beg to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of husband after marriage. The person whom I'm looking for should be strictly a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl. The girl should be willing to surrender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i. e. Myself. Any objection would be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in confidence and if you have the confidence.
BOATMAN = Must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish. Must have own boat with motor. Please send the photograph of
motorboat.
BANKER = Wanted more...