Clean Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Big Horse Race Horses in the race are: 1. Passionate Lady2. Bare Belly3. Silk Panties4. Conscience5. Jockey Shorts6. Clean Sheets7. Thighs8. Big Johnson9. Heavy Bosum10. Merry CherryAt the Post: They're off! Conscience is left behind at the post. Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry. Heavy Bosum is being pressured. Passionate lady is caught between Thighs and Big Johnson in a very tight spot. At the Halfway Mark it's Bare Belly on top. Thighs opens up and Big Johnson is pressed in. Heavy Bosum is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets. Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly. Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Johnson. At The Stretch Merry Cherry cracks under the strain. Big Johnson is making a final drive. Passionate Lady is coming. At The Finish It's Big Johnson giving everything he's got and Passionate Lady takes everything Big Johnson has to offer. It looks like a dead heat but Big Johnson squirts through and wins by a head. Heavy more...

1. Dinner will be ready when the smoke alarm goes off.
2. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
3. If, we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap.
4. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
5. Thou shall not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
6. A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.
7. Help keep the kitchen clean --->>> eat out.
8. Housework done properly can kill you.
9. Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives.
10. My next house will have no kitchen ----just vending machines

God stood over Bill Gates and said, "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this one. It's a tough decision...I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that Windows95, among other things. I believe I'll do something I've never done before...
I'll let YOU decide where you want to go.
Bill pushed up his glasses, looked at God and replied, "Could you briefly explain the difference between the two?"
God said, "I'll do better than that. I'll let you visit both places briefly, then you can make your decision. Which do you want to visit first...Heaven or Hell?"
Bill said, "I think I'll try Hell first."
So, with a flash of lightning and a cloud of smoke, Bill Gates went to Hell.
When he materialized in Hell, Bill looked around. It was a beautiful and clean place...a bit warm...with sandy beaches and tall more...

Aimara, a Mexican maid announced to her Boss Mr Blanco and his wife that she was quitting. When asked why, she replied, "I'm in the family way."The wife was totally surprised and shocked, and asked who it was.The maid replied, "Your husband and your son." Mrs Blanco was mortified and demanded an explanation. "Well," Aimara explained, "I go to the library to clean it and your husband say,' You are in the way'. I go to the living room to clean and your son say' You are in my way'. So I'm in the family way and I quit."

Just after the maid had been fired, she took five bucks from her purse and threw it to Fido, the family dog. When asked why by her former employer, she answered, "I never forget a friend. This was for helping me clean the dishes all the time!"

A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon, and set it on the table. The diner was impressed, and asked, "Do all the waiters carry spoons in their pockets?" The waiter replied, "Yes. We had an efficiency expert here that determined that 17.8% of our diners knock the spoon off the table. By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen."

The diner ate his meal. As he was paying the waiter, he commented, "Forgive the intrusion, but do you know that you have a string hanging from your fly?" The waiter replied, "Yes, we all do. That same efficiency expert determined that we spend 21.4% of our time washing our hands after using the men's room. The other end of that string is tied to my penis. When I need to go, I simply pull the string to get my tool out of my pants, go, and more...

The perfect man is gentle,
And never cruel or mean.
He has a perfect smile,
And is always neat and clean.The Perfect Man likes children,
And will raise them by your side.
He will be a caring father,
And good husband to his bride.The Perfect Man loves cooking,
He will clean and vacuum too.
He'll do what's in his power
To show his deep-felt love for you.The Perfect Man is sweet,
Writing poems with your name;
He's a best friend to your mother,
And will kiss away your pain.He never has made you cry
Or caused you hurt in any way.
To hell with this endless poem and rhyme,
The Perfect Man is gay.