Clean Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. Because baby eats. Eating is a messy job for a baby. If you wrap a baby in a towel sized bib... baby will find the tiny gap of space left around the neck and dump food in. 2. Because baby sleeps. Sleeping is an unplanned job for baby. If you don't have a clean dry diaper on baby when baby decides to doze... or even if you do... baby will figure out a way to sleep and still whiz on everything. 3. Because baby drools. Baby may look clean to the unexpecting admirer... but beware of picking up the little water fountain unless your clothing has flood insurance. 4. Because baby moves. If your house is spotless... baby will find spot. 5. Because baby has Grandma. Grandma thinks the little suit with ears and a tail is SOOOOOO CUTE!!! Not to mention the Santa suit, pumpkin suit, turkey suit, bunny suit, or cowboy suit. 6. Because baby grows. Size 1 today... size 3 on Wednesday... 7. Because baby things disappear. Even washing machines enjoy a light lunch once in a while. 8. Because baby has more...

The perfect man is gentle,
Never cruel or mean.
He has a beautiful smile,
and keeps his face so clean.

The perfect man likes children,
and will raise them by your side.
He will be a good father as well,
as husband to his bride.

The perfect man loves cooking,
to clean and vacuum too.
He'll do anything in his power,
to show his love to you.

The perfect man is sweet,
Writing poetry from your name.
He's a best friend to your mother,
and kisses away your pain.

He never has made you cry,
or battered you in any way.
To hell with this endless poem:
The Perfect Man is GAY!!

Weird Local USA Sex Laws
No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.
Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you-or holding you in his arms.
Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown-if they're nude. (Apparently, if you wear socks, you're safe from the law!)
During lunch breaks in Carlsbad, New Mexico no couple should engage in a sexual act while parked in their vehicle, unless their car has curtains.
In Cleveland, Ohio women are not allowed to wear patent-leather shoes.
Clinton, Oklahoma has a law against masturbating while watching two people having sex in a car.
It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. more...

A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The shop owner suggests a faithful dog.The man replies, "Come on, a dog?"The owner says, "Alright, how about a cat?"The man replies, "No way! A cat can't do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!"The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, "I've got it! A centipede!"The man says, "A centipede? I can't imagine a centipede doing everything, but okay. I'll try a centipede."He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede, "Clean the kitchen."Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and it's immaculate! All the dishes and silverware have been washed, dried, and put away; the countertops cleaned; the appliances sparkling; the floor waxed. He's absolutely amazed.Then he says to the centipede, "Go clean the living room."Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room. The carpet has been vacuumed; more...

1. Juan Valdez names his mule after you.2. You chew on your roommate's fingernails. 3. You can jump-start your car without cables. 4. You do twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in. 5. You can't remember your second cup. 6. You have a picture of your coffeemug on your coffee mug. 7. Starbucks has a mortgage on your house. 8. Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil. 9. You don't sweat - you percolate. 10. You grind coffee beans in your mouth.

You've named your kids "Deduction one" and "Deduction two"
You've ever referred to someone as "my poor working class friend"
You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to social security.
You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.
You think "proletariat" is a type of cheese.
You think Huey Newton is a cookie.
The only union you support is the AFL Players, because heck, they're richer than you.
You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.
You've ever referred to the moral fibre of something.
You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of bitches."
You've ever said, "I can't wait to get into business school."
You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Tootsie."
You answer to "The Man."
You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders more...

A Messy Kitchen Is A Happy Kitchen And This Kitchen Is Delirious
No Husband Has Ever Been Shot While Doing The Dishes
A Husband Is Someone Who Takes Out The Trash And Gives The Impression He Just Cleaned The Whole House
If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
A Clean House Is A Sign Of A Misspent Life
Help Keep the Kitchen Clean - Eat Out
Housework Done Properly Can Kill You
Countless Number Of People Have Eaten In This Kitchen and Gone On To Lead Normal Lives
My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines.