Cleaner Jokes / Recent Jokes
These are actual signs found around the world...
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A sign seen on a restroom dryer at O'Hare Field in Chicago: Do not activate with wet hands.
At a car dealership: The best way to get back on your feet? Miss a car payment.
At A Laundry Shop: How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?
At a Music Store: Out to lunch. Bach at 12:30. Offenbach sooner.
At a number of US military bases: Restricted to unauthorized personnel.
At a pizza shop: 7 days without pizza makes one weak.
At a Santa Fe gas station: We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container.
At a tire shop in Milwaukee: Invite us to your next blowout.
At a Towing Company: We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.
At a Used Car Lot: Second Hand cars in first crash condition.
At an Auto Body Shop: May we have the next dents?
At an optometrist's more...
Your momma is like a vacuum cleaner, she sucks, blows and gets laid in the closet.
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."
"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.
"Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse shit onto her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse shit from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."
The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a damned good appetite, because they cut off my more...
Stepping out from her bathing tub, a lovely young woman was reaching for a towel when she became aware of a window cleaner looking at her. So stunned was she that she couldn't move a muscle. She just kept staring at the man.
"What's the matter, lady?" he said, "Haven't you seen a window cleaner before?"
This is true story from the newspaper The Cape Times (South Africa):
"For several months, our nurses have been baffled to find a patient dead in the same bed every Friday morning" a spokeswoman for the Pelonomi Hospital (Free State, South Africa) told reporters.
"There was no apparent cause for any of the deaths, and extensive checks on the air conditioning system, and a search for possible bacterial infection, failed to reveal any clues." "However, further inquiries have now revealed the cause of these deaths...
"It seems that every Friday morning a cleaning lady would enter the ward, remove the plug that powered the patient's life support system, plug her floor polisher into the vacant socket, then go about her business. When she had finished her chores, she would plug the life support machine back in and leave, unaware that the patient was now dead. She could not, after all, hear the screams and eventual death rattle over the whirring of more...
A door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman manages to bull his way into a woman''s home in a rural area.?
"This machine is the best ever" he exclaims, whilst pouring a bag of dirt over the lounge floor.
The woman says she''s really worried it may not at! come off, so the salesman says, "If this machine doesn''t remove all the dust completely, I''ll lick it off myself."
"Do you want ketchup on it?" she says, "we''re not connected for electricity yet!"
Vaccum Cleaner
#.An old woman was once cleaning her carpet when suddenly she heard a knock. She walks up to the
door and there stood this well built man with a vacuum cleaner.
Old woman: Young man, how may i help you?
Young man: Well, I've got this vacuum cleaner and would like you to try it.
(He enters the room and starts spreading the dust that the old woman had gathered on the carpet.
Old woman: What do you think you are doing?
Young man: You just watch me; you see this (pointing at the vacuum cleaner).It will clean your carpet
and make it new as the very first day you bought it.
He collected more dust and soot and pressed them hard on the carpet with his shoe.
He then reached for the vacuum cleaner and asked, where can I plug this?
The old woman stared at him for a while and replied, there is no electricity in this village yet, it is only in the next two village which is about 56km from here.