Client Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three Agents Of An Insurance Company Were Discussing There Companies Performance.
First Agent: Our Client Died On Monday, We Came To Know On Tuesday And Released His Insurance On Wednesday.
Second Agent: Our Client Died On Monday We Came To Know On The Same Day And We Released His Insurance On Tuesday.
Third Agent: Our Office Is On The 20th Floor Of Wtc, Our Client Was Painting The Building On The 84th Floor He Fell From There And We Gave His Insurance Cheque While He Passed Our Floor.

A lawyer had a jury trial in a very difficult business case. The client who had attended the trial was out of town when the jury came back with its decision, which was for the lawyer and his client. The lawyer immediately sent a telegram to his client, reading "Justice has triumphed!" The client wired back, "Appeal at once!"

Twas the night before crisis, And all through the house, Not a program was working, Not even a browse.Programmers were wrung out, Too mindless to care, Knowing chances of cutoverHadn't a prayer.The users were nestledAll snug in their beds, While visions of inquiriesDanced in their heads.When out in the lobbyThere arose such a clatter, That I sprang from my tubeTo see what was the matter.And what to my wonderingEyes should appear, But a Super Programmer, Oblivious to fear.More rapid than eagles, His programs they cameAnd he whistled and shoutedAnd called them by name.On Update! On Add! On Inquiry! On Delete! On Batch Jobs! On Closing! On Functions Complete! His eyes were glazed over, His fingers were lean, From weekends and nightsSpent in front of a screen.A wink of his eye, And a twist of his head, Soon gave me to knowI had nothing to dread.He spoke not a word, But went straight to his work, Turning specs into code, Then he turned with a jerk.And laying his fingersUpon the ENTER key, more...

After drafting a will for an elderly client, the attorney announced a fee of $100.
The client gave the attorney a $100 bill.
After the client left, the attorney saw that the client had in fact paid $200, as two of the client's $100 bills had stuck together.
Looking at the $100 overpayment, an ethical question arose in the attorney's mind: "Do I tell my partner?"

A stockbroker was cold calling about a penny stock and found a taker. "I think this one will really move said the broker, it's only $1 a share."
"Buy me 1000 shares." said the client.
The next day the stock was at $2. The client called the broker and said, "You were right, give me 5000 more shares."
The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $4.
The client ran to the phone and called the broker, "Get me 10,000 more shares said the client."
"Great!" said the broker.
The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $9.
Seeing what a great profit he had in just a few days, the client ran to the phone and told the broker, "Sell all my shares!"
The broker said, "To whom? You were the only one buying that stock."

A stockbroker, cold calling about a penny stock, found a taker. "This one is really going to move," the broker said. "It's only a $1 a share." "Buy me 1000 shares," said the client.
The following day, the stock was at $2. Seeing this, the client called the broker and told him to buy him 5000 more shares.
The next day the client checked in the newspaper and the stock was now at $4. Running to the phone, he called the broker and told him to get him 10,000 more shares.
Checking the paper the following day the client now saw that the stock was at $9. Thinking what a great profit he had made in just a few days, the client raced to the phone and called the broker. "Sell all my shares," he instructed.
"To whom?" the broker replied. "You were the only one buying that stock!"

A lawyer had a jury trial in a very difficult business case. The client, who had attended the trial, was out of town when the jury came back with its decision, which was for the lawyer and his client.The lawyer immediately sent a telegram to his client, reading, "Justice has triumphed!"The client wired back, "Appeal at once!"