Climb Jokes / Recent Jokes

50 Ways to Appreciate Life
1. Watch the sunset- on a sled.
2. Smile more, -it might get you a free beer.
3. Complain less. -It might get you a free beer.
4. Surprise a friend with a call. - It might get you a free beer.
5. Develop your gifts. - You might need them.
6. Count your blessings. - You might need these too!
7. Talk to someone in an elevator. - Particularly ones with Arctic Cat jackets on, or those carrying beer.
8. Breathe consciously once in a while. - This cures snoring.
9. Enjoy sneezes - and stay behind the one sneezing.
10. Appreciate that your leg isn't broken, - unless you are an actor.
11. Be unique, -it demonstrates difference!
12. Sing in the shower. - With a friend!
13. Put your shoes on the wrong feet and laugh at yourself, - or have someone laugh at you.
14. Make someone's day, - or night.
15. Stand on your head. - For a free beer!
16. Stare at the world above you. - Hopefully not from under a more...

"Rabbi," the man said, "Please explain the Talmud to me."
"Very well," he said. "First, I will ask you a question. If two men climb
up a chimney and one comes out dirty, and one comes out clean,
which one washes himself?"
"The dirty one," answers the man.
"No. They look at each other and the dirty man thinks he is clean
and the clean man thinks he is dirty, therefore, the clean man washes
himself. Now, another question. If two men climb up a chimney and one
comes out dirty, and one comes out clean, which one washes himself?"
The man smiles and says, "You just told me, Rabbi. The man who is clean
washes himself because he thinks he is dirty."
"No," says the Rabbi. "If they each look at themselves, the clean man knows
he doesn't have to wash himself, so the dirty man washes himself.
Now, one more question. If two men climb up a chimney and one more...

Q: Why did the Irish give up trying to climb Mount Everest?
A: They ran out of scaffolding.

Take a cage with apes. In the cage we hang a banana on a string, and put stairs under it. Before long an ape goes to the stairs towards the banana, but as soon as it even touches the stairs, all apes are sprayed with water.
After a while the same ape or another one makes another attempt, with the same result: all apes are sprayed. If later another ape tries to climb the stairs, the others will try to prevent it.
Now we take one ape from the cage and put in a new one. The new ape sees the banana, and wants to climb the stairs. To his horror all other apes attack him.
After another attempt he knows: if he wants to climb the stairs, he is beaten up.
Then we remove a second ape and replace it by another new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and gets beaten up. The previous new ape takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm.
A third old ape is replaced by a third new one. The new one makes it to the stairs and get beaten up as well. Two of the apes who beat him, more...

Three women escape from prison. One is a redhead, one a brunette, and one a blonde.

They run for miles until they come upon an old barn.' I know!' says the redhead,' Let's hide in the hayloft and rest!'

When they climb up, they find three large gunnysacks.' I know!' says the brunette,' Let's climb into them for camouflage!'

About an hour later, the sheriff and his deputy come into the barn. The deputy goes up to check out the hayloft.

'What you got up there?' asks the sheriff.

'Nothin' but three gunnysacks,' says the deputy.

'Well, kick' em an' see what's in' em,' drawls the sheriff.

So the deputy kicks the sack with the redhead in it. She goes,' Bow-wow!' And the deputy calls down,' Nothin' but a dawg in this'n, Sheriff.'

Then he kicks the sack with the brunette in it. She goes,' Meow!' And the deputy calls down,' Nothin' in here but a old kitty-cat, Sheriff.'

Then he kicks the sack more...

This is Army policy all begins... Start with a cage containing five apes. In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it. Before long, an ape will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the Banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the apes with cold water. After a while, another ape makes an attempt with the same result - all the apes are sprayed with cold water. Continue until, when another ape tries to climb the stairs, the other apes try to prevent it. Now, turn off the cold water. Now, remove one ape from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new ape sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his horror, all of the other apes attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted. Next, remove another of the original five apes and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm. more...

Start With A Cage Containing Five Apes.

In The Cage, Hang A Banana On A String And Put Stairs Under It. Before Long, An Ape Will Go To The Stairs And Start To Climb Towards The Banana. As Soon As He Touches The Stairs, Spray All Of The Apes With Cold Water.

After A While, Another Ape Makes An Attempt With The Same Result - All The Apes Are Sprayed With Cold Water. This Continues Through Several More Attempts. Pretty Soon, When Another Ape Tries To Climb The Stairs, The Other Apes All Try To Prevent It.

Now, Turn Off The Cold Water. Remove One Ape From The Cage And Replace It With A New One. The New Ape Sees The Banana And Wants To Climb The Stairs. To His Horror, All Of The Other Apes Attack Him. After Another Attempt And Attack, He Knows That If He Tries To Climb The Stairs, He Will Be Assaulted.

Next, Remove Another Of The Original Five Apes And Replace It With A New One. The Newcomer Goes To The Stairs And Is Attacked. The Previous more...