Clock Jokes / Recent Jokes

Once Lalloo, S Wife Rabdi Devi Dies And Goes To Heaven. There She Meet The Angel. He Tells Her To Wait For Him While He Sorts
Out Some Problem. While Waiting She Notices That There Are More Than 90 Clocks In The Room And Each Clock Had Just One Hand
Which Was Moving At Different Speed. She Gets Confused And Asks The Angel On His Return The Meaning Of This. He Explains That
Hey Were The Clocks Of Lie That Means That Every Time A Person Lies The Hand Of The Clovk Moves. Saying So He Starts
Introducing Her To Each Clock."This Is Mother Teressa's Clock Which Never Moved In Her Life, This Gandhiji's Clock Which
Moved Only Three Times, This Is Parvez Musharaff's Which Moves Ever Few Minutes...." So On He Told Her. At The End She Asked
Him "Bhai! Hamre Lallooji Ki Ghadi Kaha Hove?"(Where Is Ny Lallo's Clock?)The Angel Tells Her "Oh That! I Use It As A Fan In
My Room."

Santa got up one Saturday morning with the odd feeling that something about this day was to be different. Something unusual was about to happen. He glanced out the window at the thermometer: 33 degrees. He went downstairs - the clock had stopped at 3 o'clock. He picked up the newspaper and read the date: the 3rd of the month.
Threes - that was it! Santa grabbed the paper and flipped it open to the racing section. Sure enough in the 3rd race, there was a horse named Trio! Santa hurried to the bank, drew out his life savings and bet it all on the horse to win.
The horse ran third.

A guy dies and goes to heaven. It's a slow day for St. Peter, so, upon passing the entrance test, St. Peter says "I'm not very busy today, why don't you let me show you around?"The guy thinks this is a great idea and graciously accepts the offer. St. Peter shows him all the sights, the golf course, the reading room and library, the observation room, the cafeteria and finally, they come to a HUGE room full of clocks.The guy asks, "What's up with these clocks?"St. Peter explains, "Everyone on earth has a clock that shows how much time he has left on earth. When a clock runs out of time, the person dies and comes to the Gates to be judged."The guy thinks this makes sense but notices that some of the clocks are going faster than others. He asks why is that? St. Peter explains, "Every time a living person tells a lie, it speeds his clock."This also makes sense, so the guy takes one last look around the room before leaving and notices one clock in the more...

If you are standing in the main street of Amsterdam, and cant see the clock tower of the Central Railway Station, that means it is raining. If you can see the clock tower, that means it is about to rain.

Intelligence Test Instructions:

Write each of your answers down, it makes a difference! You will be allowed 10 minutes to complete the test. Write your answers in the spaces provided. Are you ready? What is the time?
Start.

1) Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days? ____________________
2) If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills had been taken? ____________________
3) I went to bed at eight o'clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine o'clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being awoken by the alarm? ____________________
4) Divide 30 by half and add ten.   What do you get? ____________________
5) A farmer had 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many live sheep were left? ___________________
6)  If you had only one match and entered a COLD and DARK room, where more...

Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven. As she stood in front of Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. She asked, "What are all those clocks?"Saint Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move."Oh," said Hillary, "whose clock is that?""That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved indicating that she never told a lie.""Whose clock is that?""That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice telling us that Abe only told 2 lies in his entire life.""Where's Bill's clock?" Hillary asked."Bill's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

A guy dies and goes to heaven. It's a slow day for St. Peter, so, upon passing the entrance test, St. Peter says, "I'm not very busy today, why don't you let me show you around?"
The guy thinks this is a great idea and graciously accepts the offer. St. Peter shows him all the sights, the golf course, the reading room and library, the observation room, the cafeteria and finally, they come to a huge room full of clocks.
The guy asks, "What's up with these clocks?"
St. Peter explains, "Everyone on earth has a clock that shows how much time he has left on earth. When a clock runs out of time, the person dies and comes to the Gates to be judged."
The guy thinks that this makes sense but notices that some of the clocks are going faster than others. He asks why that is?
St. Peter explains, "Every time a living person tells a lie, it speeds his clock."
This also makes sense, so the guy takes one last look around the room before more...