Closer Jokes / Recent Jokes

Look over there! Said the frightened skunk to his pal."Theres a human with a gun, and hes getting closer and closer! What are we going to do?"To which the second skink calmly replied, "Let us spray. "

A man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, “It’s not a ship. ” The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, “It’s not a boat. ” The speck gets even closer and he thinks, “It’s not a raft. ” Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and says, “How long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette? ”
“Ten years! ”, he says.
She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.
He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says, “Man, oh man! Is that good! ”
Then she asked, “How long has it been since you’ve had a drink of whiskey? ”
He replies, “Ten years! ”
She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him.
He takes a long swig and says, “Wow, more...

A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, "Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things." "Well," the doctor replied, "go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say something to her. If she doesn't reply move about 5 feet close and say it again. Keep doing this so that we'll get an idea about the severity of her deafness".

Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping some vegetables and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" He hears no response. He moves about 5 feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves 5 feet closer. Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

She replies, "For the fourth time, vegetable stew!"

A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little boy next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The boy is wearing a fire fighter's helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog and a cat. The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration.
"Thanks mister,"the boy says. The fire fighter looks a little closer and notices the boy has tied the wagon to the dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
"Little partner, " the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little boy says, "You're probably right, mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door. The little girl is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side. She is wearing a fireman's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog. The fireman says "Hey little girl. What are you doing?" The little girl says "I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck!" The fireman walks over to take a closer look. "Little girl that sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman says. "Thanks mister" says the little girl. The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little girl has tied the dog to the wagon by its testicles. "Little girl", says the fireman, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog's neck I think you could go faster." The little girl says, "You're probably right mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren!'

There was this doctor who for one reason or another decided to clone himself.
After it grew up and began looking more and more like him, he threw a party to show him off. The clone was a hit, a big hit. He walked, talked and acted exactly like the doctor.
Half-way into the party the clone went berserk. He started pinching all the womens breasts and grabbing their bottoms and using filthy, disgusting language. When enough of this had gone on to disrupt the party, the doctor began chasing the clone.
He chased him all through the house till finally they ended up on the roof. The doctor began to plea to the clone, inching closer and closer.
But he was too late, the clone fell to it's death on the street below. Distraught, to say the least, the doctor phoned the police and reported everything that had happened.
The police came and arrested the doctor, for making an obscene clone fall.

A guy is stranded on a desert island all alone for ten years. One day he sees a speck on the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It's not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat." The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It's not a raft." Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.
She comes up to the guy and she says, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"
"Ten years!", he says.
She reaches over, unzips this waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!"
Then she asked, "How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?"
He replies, "Ten years!" She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on the right, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He takes a long swig and says, more...