Clown Jokes

A lady is giving a party for her granddaughter and has gone all out - caterer, band and a hired clown. Just before the party starts, two bums show up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman tells them that they can get a meal if they will chop some wood out back. Gratefully, they head to the rear of the house. Guests arrive, and all is going well, with the children having a wonderful time. But, the clown has not shown up and finally, the clown calls to report that he is stuck in traffic and will probably not make the party at all. The woman is very disappointed and unsuccessfully tries to entertain the children herself. She happens to look out the window and sees one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watches in awe as he swings from tree branches, does midair flips and leaps high in the air. She speaks to the other bum and says,' What your friend is doing is absolutely marvelous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would more...

A lady is throwing a party for her granddaughter, and had gone all out... a caterer, band, and a hired clown. Just before the party started, two bums showed up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman told them that she would give them a meal if they will help chop some wood for her.
Gratefully, they headed to the rear of the house.
The guests arrived, and all was going well with the children having a wonderful time. But the clown hadn't shown up. After a half an hour, the clown finally called to report that he was stuck in traffic, and would probably not make the party at all.
The woman was very disappointed and unsuccessfully tried to entertain the children herself. She happened to look out the window and saw one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watched in awe as he swung from tree branches, did midair flips, and leaped high in the air.
She spoke to the other bum and said, "What your friend is doing is absolutely marvelous. I more...

* By the end of the party, he's got every damn kid doing the "pull my finger" trick.

* Clown car must be started with breathalyzer device.

* Keeps screaming, "My name's not BO-zo, it's bo-ZO!"

* References to Kierkegaard and Nietzsche are lost on most 5-year olds.

* Props for his "disappearing" trick: a moving van and your wide-screen TV.

* Scares the holy hell outta the kids during the "Severed Limb" trick.

* Tells the kids he killed Barney in a blood match in Newark.

* Didn't bring any balloons, but manages to twist your dachshund into other animal shapes.

* Prefaces each trick with, "here's a little number I learned in the joint."

* Not exactly the Peewee Herman impression you were expecting.

* Wears a T-Shirt that says, "Drug-free since March!"

* More interested in squirting seltzer into his Scotch than more...

Q: How do you stop a clown from smiling?
A: Hit him in the face with an axe.

Q. What do you call a female clown?
A. A Clunt