Club Jokes / Recent Jokes
After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old barbershop in New York to say hello to his friends. Giovanni said: "Hey Luigi, how wasa da treepa?" Luigi said: "Everytinga wasa perfecto except for da traina ride down." "Whata you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni. "Well, we boarda da train at Grana Central Station. My beautiful Virginia, she pack a biga basket a food. "She broughta vino, some nice cigars for me, and we were looking a forward to da trip. Everytinga wasa Okey Dokey until we getta hungry and open upa da luncha basket. "The conductore come a by, waga hisa finger at us and a say: 'No eat in disa car. Musta use a dining car'. So, me and my beautiful Virginia, we go to dining car, eat a biga luncha and start to open a bottle of nice vino! "Conductore walka by again, waga hisa finger and say: 'No drinka in disa car. Musta use a club acar.' So, we go to club car. While drinkina more...
After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped in his New York neighborhood barbershop to say hello to his friends.
Giovanni said, "Hey, Luigi. How was a da treep?"
Luigi said, "Ever'thing was a perfect except for da train a ride down."
"What'a you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni.
"Well, we boarda da train at Grand Centrala Station. My beautifula Virginia had packed a biga basket a food with vino and cigars for a me, and a we were looking a 'forward to da trip. All was OK until we gotta hungry and opened up a da luncha basket.
"The conductor came by, wagged his a finger at us and a say, 'No eat in dese'a car. Must'a use'a dining car.'"
"So, me and my beautiful'a Virginia, we go to dining car, eat a big'a lunch and begin to open'a bottle of vino. Conductor come again, wag his'a finger and say, 'No drink'a in dese'a car. Must'a use'a club'a car.'"
"So we go to more...
The Rules of Bedroom Golf:
1.Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club and two balls.
2.Play on course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
3.Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.
4.For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
5.Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.
6.Object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the owner is satisfied play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play again.
7.It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival. Experienced players will normally take time to admire the entire course, paying special attention to well formed mounds and bunkers.
8.Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played or are more...
So God and Jesus are out golfing one day and they come to a particulary treacherous hole. Dog leg to the right with a lake in the middle.
It's Jesus' turn to tee off and He grabs a sand wedge.
"Just wait one minute, my son," God says, "you can't make this hole with that club!".
"Sure I can, dad," replies Jesus, "I saw Arnold Palmer do this on TV the other day. This is exactly the club he used!"
"Ok," replied God, "Go ahead and make an ass of yourself."
Well, Jesus tees off, and sure as heck it goes BLOINK, right in the water. Jesus is all embarrassed, picks up his robe, walks out across the water and reaches down to pick his ball up.
Meanwhile, there's two other golfers waiting to tee off and they saw the whole thing.
One of them walks up to God and asks, "Who does he think he is? Jesus Christ or somebody?"
"No," replied God, "He thinks he's Arnold Palmer."
A young politician, eager to gather votes, accepted the invitation of a local woman's club to speak on the subject of sex. However, fearing that his wife wouldn't understand, he told her that he planned to lecture on sailing.
A week after the speech, his wife ran into one of the ladies of the club who mentioned how entertaining his talk had been.
"I just can't understand it," said the wife, "he knows so little about it."
"Come on, darling, don't be coy. His talk showed intimate acÂquaintance with the subject," said the matron.
"But he's only tried it twice," protested the wife. "The first time he lost his hat and the second he became seasick."
You Make me wanna pull out your golf club and hit a whole in one!!!..
U
In the 2000 PGA Championship, Woods and Nicklaus were playing together. At the par-3 8th hole, Woods hit a 9-iron to ten feet. Nicklaus hit a 6-iron, his ball actually hitting Wood's ball on the green. He turned to Tiger and said. "Turn your club upside down so it looks like we both used the same club."