Club Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a $100 bet on the side. "But," said the duffer, "since you're obviously much better than I am, to even it a bit, you have to spot me two 'gotchas'." The golf pro didn't know what a 'gotcha' was, but he went along with it. And off they went.
Coming back to the 19th hole, the rest of the club members were greatly amazed to see the golf pro paying the duffer $100. "What happened?" asked one of the members. "Well," said the pro, "I was teeing up for the first hole, and as I brought the club down, the jerk stuck his hand up between my legs and grabbed me while yelling 'Gotcha!' Have you ever tried to play 18 holes of golf waiting for the second 'gotcha'?"

Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club and two balls.
Players on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club into the hole and keep the balls out.
For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft, course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.
The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.
It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. Experienced players will normally lake time to admire the entire course, playing special attention to well formed bunkers.
Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played or are currently playing to the more...

Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally one
club and two balls.
Play on course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and
keep the balls out.
For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course
owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid
damage to the hole.
Object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until
the owner is satisfied play is complete. Failure to do so may result
in being denied permission to play again.
It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately
upon arrival. Experienced players will normally take time to admire
the entire course, paying special attention to well formed mounds and
bunkers.
Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have
played or are currently playing more...

Three female members of an exclusive country club walked into the women's shower room and were shocked to see the lower part of a man's anatomy behind the door of one of the shower stalls. "Well!" said one of the ladies, "that certainly isn't my husband!" The second one added, "He isn't mine, either."
And the third, the youngest of the three, said, "Hell, he isn't even a member of the club."

Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play. (Normally
one club and two balls)
Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and
keep balls out of the hole.
For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course
owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
Course owners reserve the right to restrict the length of the club
to avoid damage to the hole.
The object of the game is to make as many strokes as necessary
until the course owner is satisfied that the play is complete.
Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the
course again.
It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon
arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take
time to admire the entire course, with special attention to well
formed bunkers.
Players are cautioned not to mention more...

Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play. Normally one club and two balls.
Play on the course must be approved by the Owner of the hole.
Unlike outdoor Golf, the object is to get the club in the hole, and keep the balls out of the hole.
For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course Owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before and during play.
Course Owners reserve the right to restrict the length of the club to avoid damage to the hole.
The object of the game is to ake as many strokes as necessary until the course Owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.
It is considered bad form to begin playing th hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admi re the entire course, with special attention to the well-formed bunkers.
Palyers are cautioned *not* to mention other courses they have more...

My wife said to me, "George, it is about time that you learned golf - you know, golf - that's the game where you chase a ball all over the country when you are too old to chase women."
So I went to see Jones and asked him if he would teach me how to play. He said, "Sure, you've got balls, haven't you?" "Yes," I said, "Sometimes on cold mornings they're kinda hard to find."
"Bring them to the clubhouse tomorrow," he said, "and we have to tee off in front of the clubhouse." "Not for me," I said, "You can tee off there if you want to but I'll tee off behind the barn somewhere."
"No, no," he said, "a tee is a little thing about the size of your little finger." "Yeah, I got one of those." "Well," he said, "You stick it in the ground and put your ball on top of it." I asked, "Do you play golf sitting down? I always thought that you stood up and more...