"Rules of Bedroom Golf" joke

Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play. (Normally
one club and two balls)
Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and
keep balls out of the hole.
For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course
owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
Course owners reserve the right to restrict the length of the club
to avoid damage to the hole.
The object of the game is to make as many strokes as necessary
until the course owner is satisfied that the play is complete.
Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the
course again.
It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon
arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take
time to admire the entire course, with special attention to well
formed bunkers.
Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played
or are currently playing to the owner of the course being played.
Upset course owners have been known to damage a player's equipment
for this reason.
Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear along, just in case.
Players should assure themselves that their match has been properly
scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the
first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if
they discover someone else playing what they consider to be a
private course.
Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all
times. Some players may be embarassed if they find the course to be
temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely
careful in this situation. More advanced players will find
alternate means of play when this is the case.
Players are advised to obtain the course owner's permission before
attempting to play the back nine.
Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to
proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course
owner's request.
It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play
the same hole several times in one match.
The course owner will be the sole judge of who is the best player.
Payment for membership is dependent upon the given course.
Additional assessment may be levied by the course owner and the
rules are subject to change. For this reason, many players prefer
to continue to play several different courses.