Club Jokes / Recent Jokes

At the local golfclub, some lady members complained to the chairman, about all the male golfers, pissing on almost every tree on the course.



The chairman called an extraordinary meeting of the club management, so that they can discuss this problem.



The meeting took hours. Some heated arguments from all sides took place.



It stopped just short of a fistfight.



At last they came upon an agreement, and it was written into the club constitution, that: "Ladies will henceforth, also be allowed to piss on the course."

I was playing in a night club, and getting few requests and small tips. Towards the end of the night, a man walked up with a wad of bills in his hand and asked me to play a jazz chord. I played an Amaj7. He said, "No, no. A jazz chord." I did a little improvisational thing, but he didn't like that either. "No, no, no! A jazz chord. You know,' A jazz chord, to say, ah love you.'"

A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.
The barman refuses to serve him. "Why not," asks the golf club.
"You'll be driving later," replies the bartender.

A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.The barman refuses to serve him. "Why not," asks the golf club."You'll be driving later," replies the bartender.

Several men are in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:
"Hello?"
"Honey, It's me."
"Sugar!"
"Are you at the club?"
"Yes."
"Great! I'm at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat. It is absolutely gorgeous! Can I buy it?"
"What's the price?"
"Only $1, 500."
"Well, okay, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much."
"Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2002 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price. .. and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..."
"What price did he quote you?"
"Only $60, 000!"
"Okay, but for that price I want it with all the more...

Jennifer Lopez, who was detained and questioned by police at the 35th precinct in NYC after a club shooting in a night club was not charged. It took the police 13 hours to exonerate her and 10 strip searches.

"If I'm being strip searched, why do you, at the same time, have to frisk me?"

This woman has her bridge club every Thursday night and after a peaceful game or two with the ladies, she goes home to fix her husband dinner when he gets home from work. Well, one Thursday, she's playing a great game and she has an incredible hand when she notices the time. "Oh, no! I have to go fix my husband his dinner! He's going to be so angry if it's not ready on time." And she dashes out of her friend's house, her great hand forgotten on the table.When she gets home, she realizes she has very little time, not enough time to go to the supermarket, and all she has in the cupboard is a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food. In a panic, she opens the can of cat food, stirs in the egg, and garnishes it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband is pulling up. She watches in horror as he sits down to his dinner, and then she realizes he is loving it! "Mmmm, darling, this is the best dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage. You can make this more...