Coffin Jokes / Recent Jokes

What's the difference between a cello and a coffin?
The coffin has the corpse inside.

Whats the difference between a condom and a coffin?
The stiff in the coffin is going

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Coffin!
Coffin who?
Coffin and spluttering!

Ways to be Offensive at a Funeral
1. Tell the widow that the deceased's last wish was that she make love with you
2. Tell the undertaker that he can't close the coffin until you find your contact lens.
3. Punch the body and tell people that he hit you first.
4. Tell the widow that you're the deceased's gay lover.
5. Ask someone to take a snapshot of you shaking hands with the deceased.
6. At the cemetery, play taps on a kazoo.
7. Walk around tellin people that you've seen the will and they're not in it.
8. Ask the widow to give you a kiss.
9. Drive behind the widow's limo and keep honking your horn.
10. Tell the undertaker that your dog just died and ask if he can sneak him into the coffin.
11. Put a hard-boiled egg in the mouth of the deceased.
12. Slip a whoopee cushion under the widow.
13. Leave some phony dog poop on top of the deceased.
14. Tell the widow that you have to leave early and ask if the will can be read before more...

What's the difference between a viola and a coffin? The coffin has the dead person on the inside.

Q: What do a coffin and a condom have in common? A: Theyre both filled with stiffs, ones coming, ones going.

A dying man gathered his best friends - a lawyer, doctor and clergyman - at his bedside and handed each of them an envelope containing $25, 000 in cash. He made them each promise that after his death and during his repose, they would place the three envelops in his coffin. He told them that he wanted to have enough money to enjoy the next life. A week later the man died. At the wake, the lawyer and doctor and clergyman each concealed an envelope in the coffin and bid their old client and friend farewell. By chance, these three met several months later. Soon the clergyman, feeling guilty, blurted out a confession saying that there was only $10, 000 in the envelope he placed in the coffin. He felt, rather than waste all the money, he would send it to a mission in South America. He asked for their forgiveness.
The doctor, moved by the gentle Clergyman’s sincerity, confessed that he too had kept some of the money for a worthy medical charity. The envelope, he admitted, had only more...