Coffin Jokes / Recent Jokes

Knock KnockWhos there! Coffin! Coffin who? Coffin and spluttering!

One day, a grieving relative came to a grave yard to talk to the grave digger.
The woman said to him "I am very poor, and I don't know how I can pay for my husband to be buried!"
The grave digger replied "No problem, I have ways for you to save money while having your husband buried."
"How?" The woman asked.
"It's very simple," the grave digger replied. "To save money on the coffin, all you do is put your husband's body in a large plastic bag, instead of a coffin. To save money on space of the burial, bury your husband standing up instead of laying down. To save money on the headstone, all you need to do to identify your husband is to bury only half of his body and leave his head and half of his body above groud. This also saves money and labour of me digging a whole grave!"

Four life-long friends, a doctor, lawyer, professor, and a businessman, belonging to the same exclusive club had made a pact. When one dies, they agreed, the others will lay $5,000 each on his coffin so he'll have some spending money in the after life. Well, one day the professor passes away. At his funeral the three friends took turns going up to the coffin and paying their respects. The doctor was first, laying 50 $100 bills inside the casket. Next was the businessman, tearfully placing his $5,000 cash next to his deceased friend. Then the lawyer approached the coffin... wrote out a check for $15,000... laid it in the casket, and picked up the 10 grand in cash.

Four life-long friends, a doctor, lawyer, professor, and a businessman, belonging to the same exclusive club had made a pact.
When one dies, they agreed, the others will lay $5,000 each on his coffin so he'll have some spending money in the after life.
Well, one day the professor passes away. At his funeral the three friends took turns going up to the coffin and paying their respects.
The doctor was first, laying 50 $100 bills inside the casket.
Next was the businessman, tearfully placing his $5,000 cash next to his deceased friend.
Then the lawyer approached the coffin... wrote out a check for $15,000... laid it in the casket, and picked up the 10 grand in cash.

A lawyer, a priest and a teacher were at a funeral of a tribal chief. Before closing the coffin lid, the widow requested an offering of $100 from each to be laid in the casket, as the tradition demands.
The priest & the teacher both reluctantly laid their $100. The lawyer then wrote out a check for $300, deposited it in the coffin and collected the $200 cash.

As Mr. Smith was on his death bed, he attempted to formulate a plan that would allow him to take at least some of his considerable wealth with him. He called for the three men he trusted most his lawyer, his doctor, and his clergyman. He told them, “I’m going to give you each $30, 000 in cash before I die. At my funeral, I want you to place the money in my coffin so that I can try to take it with me. ”

All three agreed to do this and were given the money. At the funeral, each approached the coffin in turn and placed an envelope inside. While riding in the limousine to the cemetery, the clergyman said “I have to confess something to you fellows. Brother Smith was a good churchman all his life, and I know he would have wanted me to do this. The church needed a new baptistery very badly, and I took $10, 000 of the money he gave me and bought one. I only put $20, 000 in the coffin. ”

The physician then said, “Well, since we’re confiding in one another, more...

A long New Orleans style funeral procession passes by, but instead of a jazz band, it? s lead by a man walking a lion. Behind the coffin walk at least 200 people.
A bystander asks the man,? What? s going on??
? My lion ate my lawyer and this is his funeral,? is the reply.
? Could I borrow your lion?? asks the bystander.? I? ve got a lawyer I? d like to have eaten.?
? Sorry, but you? ll have to get at the end of that line,? said the man, pointing to the 200 people following the coffin.