Coffin Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man was walking home alone late one night when he hears a BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...behind him.
Walking faster he looks back and makes out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...
Terrified, the man begins to run towards his home, the coffin bouncing Quickly behind him...faster...faster. ..BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, Slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the coffin crashes through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping...clappity-BUMP...clappity-BUMP...clappity-BUMP...on the heals of the terrified man.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in Sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the coffin breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping Towards him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything...but all he can find is a more...
There once was an old man who was loved by everyone in the town where he lived. When he died, they buried him at a scenic location along a river. A few days later there was a great rain storm and the river flood coffin was carried along the river in to the town. The casket flowed down the street past the supermarket and the school all the way into the pharmacy. It slid right in to the pharmacy and onto the counter. The lid popped open and the old man sat up and asked the pharmacist, "Do you have anything to stop this coffin?"
As Mr. Smith was on his death bed, he attempted to formulate a plan that would allow him to take at least some of his considerable wealth with him. He called for the three men he trusted most - his lawyer, his doctor, and his clergyman. He told them, “I’m going to give you each $30, 000 in cash before I die. At my funeral, I want you to place the money in my coffin so that I can try to take it with me. ”
All three agreed to do this and were given the money. At the funeral, each approached the coffin in turn and placed an envelope inside.
While riding in the limousine to the cemetery, the clergyman said “I have to confess something to you fellows. Brother Smith was a good churchman all his life, and I know he would have wanted me to do this. The church needed a new baptistery very badly, and I took $10, 000 of the money he gave me and bought one. I only put $20, 000 in the coffin. ”
The physician then said, “Well, since we’re confiding in one another, I more...
As Mr. Smith was on his death bed, he attempted to formulate a plan that would allow him to take at least some of his considerable wealth with him. He called for the three men he trusted most his lawyer, his doctor, and his clergyman. He told them, "I'm going to give you each $30, 000 in cash before I die. At my funeral, I want you to place the money in my coffin so that I can try to take it with me." All three agreed to do this and were given the money. At the funeral, each approached the coffin in turn and placed an envelope inside. While riding in the limousine to the cemetery, the clergyman said "I have to confess something to you fellows. Brother Smith was a good churchman all his life, and I know he would have wanted me to do this. The church needed a new baptistery very badly, and I took $10, 000 of the money he gave me and bought one. I only put $20, 000 in the coffin." The physician then said, "Well, since we're confiding in one another, I might as more...
A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession A funeral coffin was followed by a second one about 50 feet behind the first. Behind the second coffin was a solitary man
walking with a black dog. Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in single line. The man couldn`t stand his curiosity.
He approached the man walking with the dog, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I`ve never seen a funeral like this with so many of you walking in single line. Whose funeral is it?"
The man replied, "Well, that first coffin is for my wife."
"What happened to her?"
The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her."
He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second coffin? "
The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked and killed her also."
A thoughtful moment of more...
A cardiac specialist died and at his funeral the coffin was placed in front of a huge mock up of a heart made up of flowers. When the pastor finished with the sermon and eulogy, and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart opened, the coffin rolled inside and the heart closed. Just then one of the mourners burst into laughter.
The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"
"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.
"What's so funny about that?"
"I'm a gynecologist."
A very wealthy man, old and desperately ill, summons to his bedside his three closest advisors: his doctor, his priest, and his lawyer. -I know,- he says, they say' you can't take it with you.' But who knows? Suppose they're mistaken. I'd like to have something with me, just in case. So I am giving each of you an envelope containing one hundred thousand dollars and I would be grateful if at my funeral you would put the envelopes in my coffin, so that if it turns out that it's useful, I'll have something. They each agree to carry out his wish.
Sure enough, after just a few weeks, the old man passes away. At his funeral, each of the three advisors is seen slipping something into the coffin. After the burial, as the three are walking away together, the doctor turns to the other two and says, -Friends, I have a confession to make. As you know, at the hospital we are desperate because of the cutbacks in funding. Our CAT SCAN machine broke down and we haven't be able to get a new more...