Coffin Jokes / Recent Jokes

As Mr. Smith was on his death bed, he attempted to formulate a plan that would allow him to take at least some of his considerable wealth with him. He called for the three men he trusted most–his lawyer, his doctor, and his clergyman. He told them, “I’m going to give you each $30, 000 in cash before I die. At my funeral, I want you to place the money in my coffin so that I can try to take it with me. ”

All three agreed to do this and were given the money. At the funeral, each approached the coffin in turn and placed an envelope inside.

While riding in the limousine back from the cemetery, the clergyman said, “I have to confess something to you fellows. Brother Smith was a good churchman all his life, and I know he would have wanted me to do this. The church needed a new baptistery very badly, and I took $10, 000 of the money he gave me and bought one. I only put $20, 000 in the coffin. ”

The physician then said, “Well, since we’re more...

As Mr. Smith was on his death bed, he attempted to formulate a plan that would allow him to take at least some of his considerable wealth with him. He called for the three men he trusted most - his lawyer, his doctor, and his clergyman. He told them, "I'm going to give you each $30, 000 in cash before I die. At my funeral, I want you to place the money in my coffin so that I can try to take it with me."
All three agreed to do this and were given the money. At the funeral, each approached the coffin in turn and placed an envelope inside.
While riding in the limousine back from the cemetery, the clergyman said, "I have to confess something to you fellows. Brother Smith was a good churchman all his life, and I know he would have wanted me to do this. The church needed a new baptistery very badly, and I took $10, 000 of the money he gave me and bought one. I only put $20, 000 in the coffin."
The physician then said, "Well, since we're confiding in more...

A famous heart specialist doctor died and everyone was gathered at his funeral. A regular coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart.
When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed.
Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing.
The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"
"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.
"What's so funny about that?"
"I'm a gynecologist."

A famous heart specialist doctor died and everyone was gathered at his funeral. A regular coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart.When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed.Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing.The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?""I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied."What's so funny about that?""I'm a gynecologist."

As Mr. Smith was on his death bed, he attempted to formulate a plan that would allow him to take at least some of his considerable wealth with him. He called for the three men he trusted most his lawyer, his doctor, and his clergyman. He told them, "I'm going to give you each $30,000 in cash before I die. At my funeral, I want you to place the money in my coffin so that I can try to take it with me." All three agreed to do this and were given the money. At the funeral, each approached the coffin in turn and placed an envelope inside. While riding in the limousine to the cemetery, the clergyman said "I have to confess something to you fellows. Brother Smith was a good churchman all his life, and I know he would have wanted me to do this. The church needed a new baptistery very badly, and I took $10,000 of the money he gave me and bought one. I only put $20,000 in the coffin." The physician then said, "Well, since we're confiding in one another, I might as well more...

A family in Southern India was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother arrived from USA. It was sent by one of the daughters. The corpse was tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it! When they opened the lid, they found a letter on top, which read as follows:
Dear brothers and sisters,
I am sending our mother's body to you, since it was her wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral
home in Andhra. Sorry, I could not come along, as all of my paid leave has been consumed.
You will find inside the coffin, under Amma's body, 12 cans of cheese, 10 packets of chocolates and 5 packets of Badam. Please divide these among all of you. On Amma's feet, you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes(size 10) for Mohan. Also, there are 2 pairs of shoes for Radha's and Lakshmi's sons. Hope the sizes are correct.
Amma is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Mohan and the others for my nephews. Just istribute them among more...

Tell the widow that the deceased's last wish was that she make love with you.
Tell the undertaker that he can't close the coffin until you find your contact lens.
Punch the body and tell people that he hit you first.
Tell the widow that you're the deceased's gay lover.
Ask someone to take a snapshot of you shaking hands with the deceased.
At the cemetery, play taps on a kazoo.
Walk around telling people that you've seen the will and they're not in it.
Ask the widow to give you a kiss.
Drive behind the widow's limo and keep honking your horn.
Tell the undertaker that your dog just died and ask if he can sneak him into the coffin.
Put a hard-boiled egg in the mouth of the deceased.
Slip a whoopee cushion under the widow.
Leave some phony dog poop on top of the deceased.
Tell the widow that you have to leave early and ask if the will can be read before the funeral is over.
Urge the widow to give the deceased's wooden leg to someone more...