Coffin Jokes / Recent Jokes

What's the difference between a cello and a coffin?
The coffin has the corpse inside.

Tell the widow that the deceased's last wish was that she make love with you.
Tell the undertaker that he can't close the coffin until you find your contact lens.
Punch the body and tell people that he hit you first.
Tell the widow that you're the deceasd's gay lover.
Ask someone to take a snapshot of you shaking hands with the deceased.
At the cemetery, play taps on a kazoo.
Walk around telling people that you've seen the will and they're not in it.
Ask the widow to give you a kiss.
Drive behind the widow's limo and keep honking your horn.
Tell the undertaker that your dog just died and ask if he can sneak him into the coffin.
Put a hard-boiled egg in the mouth of the deceased.
Slip a whoopee cushion under the widow.
Leave some phony dog poop on top of the deceased.
Tell the widow that you have to leave early and ask if the will can be read before the funeral is over.
Urge the widow to give the deceased's wooden leg to someone more...

There once was an old man who was loved by everyone in the town where he lived. When he died, they buried him at a scenic location along a river.
A few days later there was a great rain storm and the river flood coffin was carried along the river in to the town. The casket flowed down the street past the supermarket and the school all the way into the pharmacy. It slid right in to the pharmacy and onto the counter. The lid popped open and the old man sat up and asked the pharmacist, "Do you have anything to stop this coffin?"

Q: What is the difference between a cello and a coffin? A: The coffin has the corpse on the inside. Q: Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes? A: So you don't have to retrain the cellists. Q: How do you get a cellist to play fortissimo? A: Write' pp, espressivo'.

There once was an old man who was loved by everyone in the town where he lived. When he died, they buried him at a scenic location along a river.A few days later there was a great rain storm and the river flood coffin was carried along the river in to the town. The casket flowed down the street past the supermarket and the school all the way into the pharmacy. It slid right in to the pharmacy and onto the counter. The lid popped open and the old man sat up and asked the pharmacist, "Do you have anything to stop this coffin?"

Once upon a time, a cowboy that was supposed to be the bravest cowboy in the west walked into a saloon. Some men near him, start talking, and finally walk up to him and ask him to prove that he really is the bravest cowboy in the west.

The cowboy agreed and asked what he had to do. Then the men told him that there was a haunted coffin upstairs, and if he could overcome the coffin, he would surely be the bravest cowboy in the west.

As the cowboy reached the top of the stairs, he saw the coffin coming near him. This was way too much for him to handle. He ran out of the saloon and jumped on his horse. After he had gotten a good distance from the saloon, he looked back and to his astonishment, the coffin was floating in the air coming straight towards him.

Soon the cowboy and his horse were surrounded by a tall canyon. The cowboy jumped off of his horse and ran towards one of the canyon walls, with the coffin floating even faster towards him. He tried to more...

A Hollywood cardiologist died suddenly. At his funeral service, the coffin was in placed in front of a huge heart. When the priest finished with the sermon and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed.
Just at that moment, one of the mourners started laughing.
The guy next to him rather indignantly asked, Why are you
laughing?
I was thinking about my own funeral, the man replied.
What's so funny about that?
I'm a gynaecologist.