Cohen Jokes / Recent Jokes
Cohen showed up at synagogue one Saturday and the rabbi almost fell down when he saw him. Cohen had never been seen in a synagogue in his life.
After Services, the rabbi caught Cohen and said "Mr. Cohen, I am so glad you decided to come here.
What made you come?"
Cohen said, "I got to be honest with you, Rabbi, a while back, I misplaced my favorite hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that Levy had one just like mine and I knew that Levi came to Services every
Saturday.
I also knew that Levy takes off his hat during Services and he leaves it in the back of the sanctuary. So, I was going to leave after the SHMAH and steal Levi's hat."
The rabbi said, "Well, Cohen, I notice that you didn't steal Levy's hat.
What changed your mind?"
Cohen said "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal Levy's hat."
The rabbi gave Cohen a big smile and said "After more...
Old Mr Cohen brings his son into the business, Cohen's Nails, in the hopes that one day his son will take over. As time passes Mr Cohen starts getting more and more worried, no matter what department the son is put into he cannot get anything right and is continuously mucking everything up.
After talking to some of his friends and business partners Mr Cohen decides that maybe the reason his son is doing so badly is because he is supervising him too closely so he decides to give him a task to do where the son is in charge. The task is handle the new advertising campaign.
The son is delighted and starts working really hard. The father is delighted also as it looks like the idea will work. Time passes and the son comes to Mr Cohen and takes him out to see the new billboard. It is in a fantastic position, on the highway, thousands of cars passing it daily, but Cohen almost has a heart attack when he sees it. There is a picture of Jesus hanging on the cross, with the caption more...
The phone rang in the obituary department of the local newspaper.
"How much does it cost to have an obituary printed"? asked a woman.
"It's five dollars a word, ma'am," the clerk replied politely.
"Fine," said the woman after a moment. "Got a pencil?"
"Yes ma'am."
"Got some paper?"
"Yes ma'am."
"Okay, write this down:' Cohen dead'."
"That's all?" asked the clerk disbelievingly.
"That's it."
"I'm sorry ma'am, I should have told you - there's a five word minimum."
"Yes, you should've," snapped the woman. Now let me think a minute... okay, got a pencil?"
"Yes ma'am."
"Got some paper?"
"Yes, ma'am."
Okay, here goes:' Cohen dead. Cadillac for Sale."
A woman, calling Mount Sinai Hospital, said, "Hello, I want to know if a patient is getting better."
The voice on the other end of the line said, "What is the patient's name and room number?"
She said, "Yes, darling! She's Sarah Finkel, in Room 302."
He said, "Oh, yes. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, she's going to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and if she continues this improvement, Dr. Cohen is going to send her home Tuesday."
The woman said, "Thank God! That's wonderful! Oh! That's fantastic! That's wonderful news!"
The man on the phone said, "From your enthusiasm, I take it you must be a close family member or a very close friend!"
She said, "I'm Sarah Finkel in 302! Cohen, my doctor, doesn't tell me a word!"
Mrs. Levy has just taken little David to school when it hits her that she forgot to give him his apple.
She spots Mrs. Cohen walking by and askes her to give the apple to the best looking boy in the class.
So Mrs. Cohen gives the Apple to her own Son.
Mrs. Murphy and Mrs. Cohen lived next door to each other for over 40 years, and over the years became loving friends. One day Mrs. Murphy came to Mrs. Cohen and said, "This house is becoming to much for us, let's sell it and each move into a home for the aged.
Each went to a home of their respective religions, and were soon placed.
Mrs. Murphy felt very lonesome for Mrs. Cohen, and one day asked to be driven to the Jewish Home to visit her old friend Mrs. Cohen. When she arrived she was greeted with open arms, hugs and kisses. Mrs. Murphy said "So how do you like it here?"
Mrs. Cohen went on and on about the wonderful food, the facility and the care takers. She then said, "You know the best thing is that I now have a boyfriend."
Mrs. Murphy said, "Now isn't that wonderful. Tell me what you do."
Mrs. Cohen said, "After lunch we go up to my room, and sit on the edge of the bed. I let him touch more...