Color Jokes / Recent Jokes

Why is brunette considered an evil color?When was the last time you saw a blonde witch?

Dear Mom and Dad, It has now been three months since I left for college. I have been remiss in writing this and I am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in not having written before. I will bring you up to date now, but before you read on, please sit down. YOU ARE NOT TO READ ANY FURTHER UNLESS YOU ARE SITTING DOWN. OKAY! Well then, I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and the concussion I got when I jumped out of the window of my dormitory when it caught fire shortly after my arrival are pretty well healed now. I only get those sick headaches once a day. Fortunately the fire in the dormitory and my jump were witnessed by an attendant at the gas station near the dorm, and he was the one who called the fire department and the ambulance. He also visited me at the hospital and since I had nowhere to live, because of the burned out dormitory, he was kind enough to invite me to share his apartment with him. It's really a basement room, but it's kind of cute. He is a very more...

A woman hired a contractor to repaint the interior of her house. The woman walked the man through the second floor of her home and told him what colors she wanted for each room.

As they walked through the first room, the woman said, "I think I would like this room in a cream color."

The contractor wrote on his clipboard, walked to the window, opened it and yelled out, "Green side up!" He then closed the window and continued following the woman to the next room. The woman looked confused, but proceeded with her tour. "In this room, I was thinking of an off blue."

Again, the contractor wrote this down, went to the window, opened it and yelled out, "Green side up!" This baffled the woman, but she was hesitant to say anything.

In the next room, the woman said she would like it painted in a light rose color. And once more, the contractor opened the window and yelled, "Green side more...

--Your last name stays put.
--The garage is all yours.
--Wedding plans take care of themselves.
--Chocolate is just another snack.
--You can be president.
--You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
--Car mechanics tell you the truth.
--You couldn't care less if someone notices your new haircut.
--You never drive to another gas station' cause this one's just too "yucky".
--Same work... more pay.
--Wrinkles add character.
--Wedding Dress $5,000; Tux rental $100.
--The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
--New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
--Your pals are trusted to never trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"
--One mood, ALL the time.
--Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
--You know stuff about tanks.
--A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
--You can open all your own jars.
--Dry cleaners and more...

My girlfriend asked me what color bra she should buy. I said it didn't matter. Breasts go with everthing.

A couple was looking through their new home with Ole the contractor, picking out wall colors for the various rooms. They went into the living room first, said they`d like to have it in a pale green. Ole wrote something down on a pad, then went to the window and yelled, "Gren sida oop!" They went on into the kitchen, where the couple chose a light clay color for the room. Again the Ole wrote something on a pad, went to the window, and yelled " Gren sida oop!" This continued from room to room, upstairs and downstairs - all through the house until they were finished. Finally, the husband couldn`t contain himself any longer, he had to find out what was going on. "I`m confused," he said. "Every room we`ve gone to, we`ve picked out a particular room color, you`ve written on a pad, then gone to the window and yelled, "Gren sida oop! Now, I know a little Swedish and we didn`t choose green in any room. What`s going on?" "Oh!", said Ole, more...

During a long rain delay, the baseball announcer filled in some time by sharing some baseball trivia with his color man.

Know who hit the most home runs between 1955 and 1975? I'll tell you -- Hank Aaron.

Know who hit the most RBIs between 1955 and 1975? Hank Aaron.

And who got hit on the chin with the most balls between 1955 and 1975?"

"Hank Aaron?" ventured the color commentator.

"Nope," said the announcer. "Liberace."