Comebacks Jokes / Recent Jokes

How to Argue and Win Every Time
I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an
argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply follow these rules:
*Drink liquor.
Suppose you are at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about. If you're drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date. But if you drink several large martinis, you'll discover you have STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy. You'll be a WEALTH of information. You'll argue forcefully, offering searing insights and possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some may leave the room.
*Make things up.
Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to more...

Women's Snappy Comebacks: Man: ="Haven't we met before?" Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic." Man: ="Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore." Man: = "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down." Man: = "So, wanna go back to my place? " Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?" Man: = "Your place or mine?" Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine." Man: = "I'd like to call you. What's your number?" Woman: "It's in the phone book." Man: = "But I don't know your name." Woman: "That's in the phone book too." Man: = "So what do you do for a living?" Woman: "I'm a female impersonator." Man: = "What sign were you born under?" Woman: "No Parking." Man: = "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" more...

Great Female Comebacks
Man: "Haven't we met before?" Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "Your place or mine?" Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."
Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?" Woman: "It's in the phone book." Man: "But I don't know your name." Woman: "That's in the phone book too."
Man: "So what do you do for a living?" Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not Enter"
Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?" Woman: "Unfertilized !"
Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the more...

Women's Snappy Comebacks:
Man: ="Haven't we met before?" Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."
Man: ="Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
Man: = "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: = "So, wanna go back to my place ?" Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"
Man: = "Your place or mine?" Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."
Man: = "I'd like to call you. What's your number?" Woman: "It's in the phone book."
Man: = "But I don't know your name." Woman: "That's in the phone book too."
Man: = "So what do you do for a living?" Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."
Man: = "What sign were you born under?" Woman: "No Parking."
Man: = more...

Women's Snappy Comebacks:Man: ="Haven't we met before?" Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."Man: ="Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."Man: = "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."Man: = "So, wanna go back to my place ?" Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"Man: = "Your place or mine?" Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."Man: = "I'd like to call you. What's your number?" Woman: "It's in the phone book."Man: = "But I don't know your name." Woman: "That's in the phone book too."Man: = "So what do you do for a living?" Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."Man: = "What sign were you born under?" Woman: "No Parking."Man: = "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: more...