Comfortable Jokes / Recent Jokes

Law of Cat Inertia A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse. Law of Cat Motion A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction. Law of Cat Magnetism All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric. Law of Cat Thermodynamics Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat. Law of Cat Stretching A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken. Law of Cat Sleeping All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat. Law of Cat Elongation A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it. Law of Cat Obstruction A cat must lay on more...

This was actually printed in a Home Economics book in the 50's intended to prepare girls for marriage. How times have changed!
Have dinner ready
Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal - on time. This is a way of letting
him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are
hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.
Prepare yourself
Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a
ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a
little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.
Clear away the clutter
Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives,
gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband
will feel he more...

Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.
Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.
Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat.
Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely more...

Law of Cat Inertia

A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

Law of Cat Motion

A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

Law of Cat Magnetism

All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

Law of Cat Thermodynamics

Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

Law of Cat Stretching

A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

Law of Cat Sleeping

All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat.

Law of Cat Elongation

A cat can make more...

THE BRAINS TRUST PRESENTS:
"PRETZEL EATING IN SAFETY AND COMFORT"
A Guide for the Dangerously Stupid
======================================
Congratulations on purchasing a bag of "Mr Salty" Pretzels.
Correctly used, these salty snacks should provide minutes of healthy enjoyment, however, in order to derive optimum pleasure, and minimal injury, we do recommend that the following procedure is studied and followed.
YOU WILL NEED
1 x comfortable chair
1 x bag of pretzels (contents approximately 24 pretzels)
1 x television receiving equipment, tuned to the sporting event of your choice
Up to 3 dogs - cats or other pets are NOT RECOMMENDED and could be DANGEROUS
STEP 1. OPENING THE BAG
This is a relatively simple procedure, but care needs to be taken nonetheless, so follow the steps carefully.
1. Take hold of the TOP of the bag at EITHER SIDE between FOREFINGER AND THUMB, taking care not to slash your wrists open on the more...

A Tongan man hired a Samoan man to work at his cattle farm in Tonga. He needed a bull, so he sent the Samoan man to Samoa to buy a bull. Before he left the Tongan man gave the Samoan man $600 to buy the best bull that he can find. He bought a bull that cost him $599 which includes the shipping and handling costs to send it to Tonga. He went to wire a telegram to his boss in Tonga and realized he only had one dollar left. He asked the clerk how much to send a telegram. The clerk said that it costs a dollar per word. He told the clerk to write down "Comfortable". Get it?! "Come for the bull."