Competition Jokes / Recent Jokes

Once there was a competition held that one who can stay in a room with a pig for 20 days will be awarded Rs 15 lakhs. So 1st the pilot went to stay with him but after 2 days he came out saying I can't stay there.
Then an astrologer went he stayed there for 5 days and then came out saying I cant stay there.
Now Santa went in there and stayed there for 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14 days. On the 15th day when the people out of the room were very excited to meet santa, the pig came out saying I cant stay there.

Dear ________, I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition. Check those that apply... ___Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it. ___Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion. ___The fact that our dining experiences to date has left MY wallet a little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter! ___Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by thetruckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for more...

Dear ________,

I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right.

As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available.

So that you may find better success in
your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition.

Check those that apply..

___Your last name is objectionable. I can`t imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.

___Your first name is objectionable. It`s just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion.

___The fact that our dining experiences to date has left MY wallet a little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter!

___You failed the 20 Question more...

Once South Asian Countries had called a meeting in Nepal. Organizer of the meeting had invited two people from each country. One was a man and other one was a woman. From Sri-Lanka, Jeyawardene and Srimavo had gone to the meeting to represent Sri-Lanka. Last day of the meeting the organizer planned to have a competition among the people. So, he announced whose dick would lift the maximum weight. Everyone was did the best they can. Jeyawardene was very old man among the representatives he couldn't even turn on his dick. Srimavo realised Jeyawardene's terrible situation and she wanted to help Jeyawardene. Suddenly Srimavo lift her skirt up and Jeyawardene saw her pussy and the weight in the string went up. Jeyawardene got the prize in the competition.

A fellow has a week off and decides to play a round of golf every day. First thing Monday morning, he sets off on his first round and soon catches up to the person in front. He sees that this is a woman and, as he catches up to her on a par 3, that, in fact, she’s very attractive. He’s interested and suggests that they play the rest of the round together. She agrees and a very close match ensues. She turns out also to be a very talented golfer and she wins their little competition on the last hole.
He congratulates her in the car park then offers to give her a lift when he sees she doesn’t have a car. All in all it’s been a highly enjoyable morning.
On the way to her place, she thanks him for the morning’s company and competition and says she hasn’t enjoyed herself so much on the course for a long time. “In fact, ” she says, “I’d like you to pull over so I can show you how much I appreciated everything. ” He pulls over, they kiss and she shows him her more...

A mediocre Haryanavi lad somehow managed to reach the finals of a boxing competition. At the final encounter, he had to face a tough Jat from Uttar Pradesh who happened to be a former heavyweight champion. When the Haryanavi boxer was proceeding towards the ring where the much-awaited bout was to take place, it was noticed that he hung back.
"C'mon- It's all right," said the Haryanavi's coach with a view to boosting his morale. "Just say to yourself' I'm going to knock him out' and see, you'll be the ultimate winner."
"That's no good, Sir," replied the hopeless Haryanavi boxer. "Manne malum sai ki mein kitna jhoota sai (I know what a liar I am)."

This story occurred on Melbourne radio last week. One of the FM stations has a competition where they ring someone up, ask them three personal questions, ring their spouse or partner, ask them the same three questions, if the answers are the same, the couple win an overseas holiday. Last week the competition went like this:
Presenter: Hey its XXX-FM, do you want to play the game?
Brian: Yeah, sure.
Presenter: O.K., Question 1 - When was the last time you had sex?
Brian: Ha Ha, well, about 8 o'clock this morning.
Presenter: And how long did it go for Brian?
Brian: Hmmmmm... about 10 minutes.
Presenter:10 minutes? Good one. And where did you do it?
Brian: Ohhhh, I can't say that.
Presenter: There's a holiday to Bali at stake here Brian!
Brian: O.K.... O.K.... On the kitchen table.
Presenter:(and others in the room - much laughter). Good one Brian, now is it O.K. for us to call your wife?
Brian: Yeah, alright.
Presenter: Hi Sharelle, more...