Competition Jokes / Recent Jokes

Teacher: We are going to have a spelling competition this afternoon. Anyone who can spell a word
correctly can go home early. We'll start with Mary. What did you do at lunchtime?
Mary: I played in the sand-pit.
Teacher: Mary, can you spell "pit?"
Mary: P... I... T?
Teacher: Very good, you may go. Now Tommy, what did you you do at lunch?
Tommy: I was playing with my toy car.
Teacher: Tommy, can you spell "car?"
Tommy: C... A... R.
Teacher: Very good, you may go. Now Johnny, why are you crying?
Johnny: (sniff)' Cause Tommy and Mary wouldn't play with me at lunchtime, just' cause I'm black
(sniff).
Teacher: My my. That's racial prejudice. Johnny, can you spell "racial prejudice?"

This joke is about Native Americans; no offense intended, hope none is taken.
Native American Indian legend has it that many years ago, before the domination of the White Man, there existed a tribe that lived in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. And in this tribe, the Chief had decided that the time had come for his only daughter, the beautiful Wild Honey, to marry.
Now in this tribe, selection of a mate for the daughter of a chief involved a kind of round-robin competition among the eligible braves to determine who was the bravest, the strongest, the best hunter and provider. From the preliminary rounds, two great contenders emerged - the fast and powerful Running Water, and the bold and handsome Falling Rocks.
The final event of the competition would decide the winner. Each brave was given exactly seven days to prepare the traditional BTFTLOOTGO - "bridal tepee for the Little One of the Great One." The winner would be the brave who built the better tepee more...

Three women were competing in the English Channel Breast Stroke Competition, a blonde, a brunette and a redhead.
The brunette won and the redhead came in second. However, there was no sign of the final contestant. As time went on without her appearing, the crowd was becoming more and more concerned. Just as they were about to lose hope, the blonde finally arrived.
Overjoyed and relieved to see she was safe, they embraced the young girl as she came ashore.
After all the excitement had died down, she leaned over to the judge and said, "I don't mean to be a poor loser, but I'm sure those other girls used their arms!"

Feel Free to Cut and PasteThe Mr. Right Rejection Letter FormDear [____rejectee's name here_____], I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition:[Check all those that apply]___ Your breasts are bigger than mine. ___ Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it. ___ The fact that our finest dining experience to date has been at McDonald's reveals a thriftiness that I find unappealing. ___ Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms bythetruckload" indicates that you may be more...

A man from Connecticut died while "battle dancing", where one dancer outdoes another by one-upping his opponent with each dance move.

The man jumped high in the air, landed directly on his head, and was killed.

All the newspaper headlines read, "Man Dies In Street Dance Competition".

Shouldn't the headlines have read, "Man Wins Street Dance Competition"?

Teacher: "Why Is Honesty The Best Policy?"
Student: "Because There Is Hardly Any Competition".

One day some fisherman caught tons of fish called tench.
The fisherman couldn't eat them all so they gave them to the Mayor of the town.
The Mayor wasn't sure what to do with them. Then he had an idea; he would have a fish-eating competition.
When they had the competition, there were two finalists: a man from a place called Fife, whose name was Mr. Hicks and a man that was from Sweden, whose name is Sven.
So they had the final; the Mayor fired the starting pistol and they started eating the tench.
No sooner had Mr. Hicks bitten the fish than one of his teeth fell out. He couldn't eat because of this so he stopped, but the Mayor refused to stop the competition.
So Sven kept on eating and ended up eating nine of these tench fish.
The next day the headlines read:
ONE TOOTH FREE FOR FIFE HICKS, SVEN ATE NINE TENCH!