Compliment Jokes

At the conclusion of the sermon, the worshipers filed out of the sanctuary to greet the minister.
As one of them left, he shook the minister's hand, thanked him for the sermon and said, "Thanks for the message, Reverend. You know, you must be smarter than Einstein."
Beaming with pride, the minister said, "Why, thank you, brother!"
As the week went by, the minister began to think about the man's compliment. The more he thought, the more he became baffled as to why anyone would deem him smarter than Einstein. So he decided to ask the man the following Sunday.
The next Sunday he asked the parishioner if he remembered the previous Sunday's comment about the sermon.
The parishioner replied that he did.
The minister asked, "Exactly what did you mean that I must be smarter than Einstein?"
The man replied, "Well, Reverend, they say that Einstein was so smart that only ten people in the entire world could understand him. But more...

Always look like a Shiseido Spokes model: he would be proud to take the girl around shopping and showing her off. Never be taller than him: it makes him look bad. Compliment! Tell him that his little Honda Civic is a lot sportier looking than the Porsche. Have him upgrade the civic to a prelude his senior year and when he graduates persuade him to get a Supra. Buy him clothes Dead Rap stars would wear: Polo, Hilfinger, Nautica, Nikes, Timberlands, and Quicksilver (close enough to big brand names). Never use more hair products than he does. Tell him his baggy clothes makes him look bigger. (BTW, from tric) Talk to him in a way that allows him to use what little of Japanese (any Asian language ) he knows. Tell him that he's different from the other white guys on the street. The special white guy you love. Compliment him on both his shirts... the button long sleeve one, and the print t-shirt he has on underneath. Make them think that because they understand your "culture", they more...

Two high-school buddies were attending the senior prom.
"Suzy wants to go out to my car. She's really hot," one boy said. "I'm really nervous. I know I'll goof up!"
"Take it easy," his friend assured him. "All you gotta do is compliment her. Chicks love to be complimented. You'll have her in the palm of your hand."
About a half-hour later the young man came back, rubbing a black eye.
"Shit, man! What happened to you?!" his buddy asked.
"I took your advice."
"Didn't you compliment her?"
"Sure I did. We got in my car and started kissing. I told her that for such full lips, hers sure tasted sweet. She liked that. After a while I started feeling her tits, and I told her that for such large breasts they sure were firm. She like that too."
"It sounds like you were doing great," his friend said.
"Well," the other answered, "that's when everything went more...

"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand.

"If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.

A lady is working hard in her office when a co-worker tells her that her hair smells good. Immediately, she goes to her boss and tells him that she has been sexually harassed.

"How?" asks the boss.

"He said my hair smells good," replied the lady.

"Wouldn't you take that as a compliment?"

"Normally I would, but he's a midget."