Computer Support Staff Jokes / Recent Jokes
Computer Messages: what they say and what they mean by it
Press Any Key.
Press any key you like but I'm not moving.
Press A Key.
Nothing happens unless you press the' A' key.
Fatal Error. Please contact technical support quoting error no.
1A4-2546512430E...
... where you will be kept on hold for 10 minutes, only to be told that it's a hardware problem.
Installing program to C:...
... And I'll also be writing a few files into c:windows and
c:windowssystem where you'll NEVER find them.
Not enough memory.
I don't CARE if you've got 64 MB of RAM, I want to use the bit below 640K.
Cannot read from drive D:...
... however, if you put the CD in right side up...
Please Wait...
... indefinitely.
Directory does not exist...
.... any more. Woops.
The application caused an error. Choose Ignore or more...
Things You Don't Want to Hear Your System Administrator Saying:
NO! Not that button!
Do you smell something?
I have never seen it do that before...
Ooops. Save your work, everyone. FAST!
What do you mean you needed that directory?
Where did you say those backup tapes were kept?
The drive ate the tape but that's OK, I brought my screwdriver.
I cleaned up the root partition and now there's lots of free space.
when asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.
you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors.
you are reading a book and look for the scroll bar to get to the next page.
after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number.
you get in the elevator and double-click the button for the floor you want.
you look for a icon to double-click to open your bedroom window.
you look for the undo command after making a mistake.
you disdain people who use low baud rates.
you know how to take the cover off of your computer, and what size screwdriver to use.
you can understand sentences with four or more acronyms in them.
you would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon.
you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires.
you see a bumper sticker that says "Users are Losers" and you have no idea it is referring to drugs.
you know more...
How many Support staff does it take to change a light bulb?
"Wait! Maybe the bulb isn't broken. Let's try it again."
"It's in the manual. Didn't you read the manual?"
"The bulb was fine; you just forgot to turn the switch on."
"The light bulb doesn't work? You must be using a non-standard socket."
"Well, we have an exact copy of your light bulb here and it seems to be working OK. Can you be more specific about the exact problem?"
"Our engineers are busy at the moment... We have assigned query number 987632 to your question. Please refer to it in all future correspondence."
How many first-time computer users does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but it takes him three hours and two phone calls to the electrician before he realizes he forgot to turn the switch on.
How many Microsoft Support technicians does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they have declared darkness to be the new standard.
One, but only if "light bulb" can be found in the Microsoft Knowledge Base.