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IBM: I've Been Moved

"Hello. Tech Support; may I help you?" "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?" "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?" "They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?" "Nothing."
"Nothing?" "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?" "How do I tell?"
[Uh-oh. Well, let's give it a try anyway.] "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?" "What's a sea-prompt?"
[Uh-huh, thought so. Let's try a different tack.] "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?" "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
[Ah-at least s/he knows what a cursor is. Sounds like a hardware problem. I wonder if s/he's kicked out more...

Computer Illiterate Support Call

' Hello, Support Desk, may I help you?'

'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'

'What sort of trouble?'

'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'

'Went away?'

'They disappeared.'

'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'

'Nothing.'

'Nothing?'

'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'

'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?'

'How do I tell?'

[Uh-oh. Well, let's give it a try anyway.]' Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?'

'What's a sea-prompt?'

[Uh-huh, thought so. Let's try a different tack.]' Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?'

'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'

[Ah--at least s/he knows what a cursor is. Sounds like a hardware problem. I more...

The factory of the future will have two employees, a man and a dog.

The man will be there to feed the dog, and the dog is there to keep the man from touching the computers.

Re: Vacation
Pay Date: January 5, 2000

Dear Valued Employee:

Our records indicate that you have not used any vacation time over the past 102 year(s). As I'm sure you are aware, employees are granted 3 weeks of paid leave per year or pay in lieu of time off.

One additional week is granted for every 5 years of service. Please either take 9,430 days off work or notify our office and your next pay cheque will reflect payment of $8,277,432.22 which will include all pay and interest for the past 1,224 months.

Sincerely,

Automated Payroll Processing

IBM: I've Been Mugged

Virus AlertThere is a very dangerous virus going around and it is propogated throughthe email system. If you get an email message with the subject: "VIRUSALERT!" do not open the mail message. If you do, the virus scramblesthe second half of every text file on your system.VERY IMPORTANT: If you do get this virus, the first thing dlkfjaiddfdjas nairb gfdq40wt yaj asdfsdg dluog av da[agj asdfajpg asdflasidffnm asd difvu asdfa vgoiae vdsofj we dasdf 9efm sd dag0 g adfjdl5gkj dkllj djf hsas9kaj kuieh nx3glkj gkdls kd li8siue ghkld hks1as dg 0vbwe ads gwefawe ads vewerwe dsf!