Computing Jokes / Recent Jokes
"Hello. Tech Support; may I help you?" "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?" "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?" "They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?" "Nothing."
"Nothing?" "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?" "How do I tell?"
[Uh-oh. Well, let's give it a try anyway.] "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?" "What's a sea-prompt?"
[Uh-huh, thought so. Let's try a different tack.] "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?" "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
[Ah-at least s/he knows what a cursor is. Sounds like a hardware problem. I wonder if s/he's kicked out more...
Computer Illiterate Support Call
' Hello, Support Desk, may I help you?'
'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'
'What sort of trouble?'
'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
'Went away?'
'They disappeared.'
'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'
'Nothing.'
'Nothing?'
'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?'
'How do I tell?'
[Uh-oh. Well, let's give it a try anyway.]' Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?'
'What's a sea-prompt?'
[Uh-huh, thought so. Let's try a different tack.]' Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?'
'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
[Ah--at least s/he knows what a cursor is. Sounds like a hardware problem. I more...
The factory of the future will have two employees, a man and a dog.
The man will be there to feed the dog, and the dog is there to keep the man from touching the computers.
Re: Vacation
Pay Date: January 5, 2000
Dear Valued Employee:
Our records indicate that you have not used any vacation time over the past 102 year(s). As I'm sure you are aware, employees are granted 3 weeks of paid leave per year or pay in lieu of time off.
One additional week is granted for every 5 years of service. Please either take 9,430 days off work or notify our office and your next pay cheque will reflect payment of $8,277,432.22 which will include all pay and interest for the past 1,224 months.
Sincerely,
Automated Payroll Processing
Virus AlertThere is a very dangerous virus going around and it is propogated throughthe email system. If you get an email message with the subject: "VIRUSALERT!" do not open the mail message. If you do, the virus scramblesthe second half of every text file on your system.VERY IMPORTANT: If you do get this virus, the first thing dlkfjaiddfdjas nairb gfdq40wt yaj asdfsdg dluog av da[agj asdfajpg asdflasidffnm asd difvu asdfa vgoiae vdsofj we dasdf 9efm sd dag0 g adfjdl5gkj dkllj djf hsas9kaj kuieh nx3glkj gkdls kd li8siue ghkld hks1as dg 0vbwe ads gwefawe ads vewerwe dsf!
WRITE IN C (sung to The Beatles "Let it Be")When I find my code in tons of trouble, Friends and colleagues come to me, Speaking words of wisdom:"Write in C."As the deadline fast approaches, And bugs are all that I can see, Somewhere, someone whispers""Write in C."Write in C, write in C, Write in C, write in C.LISP is dead and buried, Write in C.I used to write a lot of FORTRAN, for science it worked flawlessly.Try using it for graphics! Write in C.If you've just spent nearly 30 hoursDebugging some assembly, Soon you will be glad toWrite in C.Write in C, write in C, Write In C, yeah, write in C.Only wimps use BASIC.Write in C.Write in C, write in C, Write in C, oh, write in C.Pascal won't quite cut it.Write in C.{ Guitar Solo}Write in C, write in C, Write in C, yeah, write in C.Don't even mention COBOL.Write in C.And when the screen is fuzzy, And the edior is bugging me.I'm sick of ones and zeroes.Write in C.A thousand people people swear that more...