Computing Jokes / Recent Jokes

10. The fax file is filled with pictures of some guy's butt.
9. The jam in the laser printer is a pair of panties.
8. During sex she screams "A-colon backslash enter insert!"
7. There's lipstick on the mouse.
6. She makes sarcastic remarks about your 'software'.
5. She's gotten amazingly good at typing one handed.
4. The computer screen is all fogged up in the morning.
3. The giant rubber inflatable disk drive.
2. After signing off, she always has a cigarette.
1. Lately, she's been sitting at the computer naked.

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye can knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

Computer Acronyms and what they really mean: PCMCIA -- People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms

ISDN -- It Still Does Nothing
APPLE -- Arrogance Produces Profit Losing Entity
SCSI -- System Can't See It
DOS -- Defective Operating System
BASIC -- Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
IBM -- I Blame Microsoft (or conversely' I Build Macs')
DEC -- Do Expect Cuts
CD-ROM -- Consumer Device-Rendered Obsolete in Months
OS/2 -- Obsolete Soon Too
WWW -- World Wide Wait
MACINTOSH-- Most Applications Crash, If Not, The Operating System Hangs
PENTIUM -- Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathmatics
COBOL -- Completely Obsolete Buisiness Oriented Language
AMIGA -- A Merely Insignificant Gamers Addiction
LISP -- Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis
MIPS -- Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
WINDOWS -- Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
MICROSOFT-- more...

Is it possible that software is not like anything else, that it is meant to be discarded: that the whole point is to see it as a soap bubble?

When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.
When an I.T. person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 700 screen saver passwords.
When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't power on at all.
When I.T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.
When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.
Send urgent email all in more...

10. The lower corner of the screen has the words 'Etch-A-Sketch' on it.
9. It's celebrity spokesman is that 'Hey Vern!' guy.
8. You need some jumper cables and a friend's car to start it.
7. It's slogan is 'Pentium: Redefining Mathematics'.
6. The 'quick reference' manual is 120 pages long.
5. Every time you turn it on, all the dogs in the neighborhood begin howling.
4. The screen often displays the message, 'Ain't it break time yet?'
3. The manual contains only one sentence, 'Good Luck!'
2. The only chip inside is a Dorito.
1. You've decided that your computer is an excellent addition to your fabulous paperweight collection.

It is the user who should parameterize procedures, not their creators.