Condition Jokes / Recent Jokes
The beautiful secretary of the president of the Chase Manhattan Bank goes to a sight-seeing tour with a very rich Taiwanese client. The client out of the blue asks her to marry him.
Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her boss told her; "Don't reject the guy outright." So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her.
So, after a few minutes, the woman says to the man, "I will only marry you under three conditions. First, I want my engagement ring to be a 75 carat diamond ring, with a matching 200 carat diamond tiara."
The Taiwanese man pauses for awhile. Then, he nods his head and says, "No problem! I buy. I buy."
Realizing that her first condition was too easy, the woman says to the man, "I want you to build me a 100 room mansion in New York. As a vacation home, I want a chateau built in the middle of the best wine county in France."
The man pauses more...
The beautiful secretary of the president of the Chase Manhattan Bank goes to a sight-seeing tour with a very rich Taiwanese client. The client out of the blue asks her to marry him. Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her boss told her; "Don't reject the guy outright." So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her. So, after a few minutes, the woman says to the man, "I will only marry you under three conditions. First, I want my engagement ring to be a 75 carat diamond ring, with a matching 200 carat diamond tiara." The Taiwanese man pauses for awhile. Then, he nods his head and says, "No problem! I buy. I buy." Realizing that her first condition was too easy, the woman says to the man, "I want you to build me a 100 room mansion in New York. As a vacation home, I want a chateau built in the middle of the best wine county in France." The man pauses for awhile. He whips more...
A Husband makes a Call to Hospital to enquire about his pregnant wife. But accidentally the call went to a cricket stadium. He asked what the condition is..! He died after what he heard.
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Guess what would be the reply.....
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It is.....
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7 are already out.
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3 More will be out hopefully by lunch.
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And.................................
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first one was a duck.
A retiring Phys Chem professor was setting his last exam, for a graduate course in statistical thermodynamics. Being a bit bored with it all, and with a well-kept and wry sense of humor, he set a single question on the sheet: "Is Hell endothermic or exothermic? Support your answer with proof."
He had little idea what to expect, or how to grade the results, but decided to reward any student who was able to come up with a reasonable and consistent reply to his query. One A was awarded. Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. The top student however wrote the following:
First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, lets more...
The beautiful secretary of the president of the Chase Manhattan Bank goes to a sight-seeing tour with a very rich Taiwanese client. The client out of the blue asks her to marry him. Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her boss told her; "Don't reject the guy outright." So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her. So, after a few minutes, the woman says to the man, "I will only marry you under three conditions. First, I want my engagement ring to be a 75 carat diamond ring, with a matching 200 carat diamond tiara." The Taiwanese man pauses for awhile. Then, he nods his head and says, "No problem!! I buy. I buy." Realizing that her first condition was too easy, the woman says to the man, "I want you to build me a 100 room mansion in New York. As a vacation home, I want a chateau built in the middle of the best wine county in France." The man pauses for awhile. He more...
A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her
girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy middle-aged
man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not
take her eyes off him. The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive
stare and walked directly toward her. (As all men will.) Before she could
offer her apologies for so rudely staring, he leaned over and whispered to
her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no
matter how kinky, for $20. 00....... on one condition." (There are always
conditions) Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The man
replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just
three words." (controlling huh?) The woman considered his proposition for a
moment, then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed
into the man's hand along with her address. She looked more...
The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers:Free Yorkshire Terrior.8 years-old. Hateful little dog.
Free Puppies:1/2 Cocker Spaniel1/2 Sneaky Neighbor's Dog
Free Puppies:Part German ShepherdPart Stupid Dog
German Shepherd - 85lbs.Neutered. Speaks German. Free!
1 Man, 7 Women hot tub - $850/offer
Amana Washer $100.Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.
Snow blower for sale.Only used on snowy days.
2 Wire mesh butchering gloves:1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, pair $15.
Tickle Me Elmo, Still in Box, Comes with its own1988 Mustang, 5L, AutoExcellent Condition, $6,800.
83 Toyota Hunchback - $2,000
Star Wars Job of the Hut - $15
Soft & Genital Bath Tissuesor Facial Tischue - $.89
Full-Sized Mattress20 Year WarrantyLike New! Slight urine smell.
FREE 1 Can of Pork & BeansWith Purchase of 3 BR / 2 BTH Home
Nordic Track $300Hardly used. Call Chubbie.
Bill's Septic Cleaning"We Haul American Made more...