Confession Jokes / Recent Jokes

An old man goes to a church, and is making a confession: Man: Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18 year old. Father: When was the last time you made a confession? Man: I never have, I am Jewish. Father: Then why are telling me all this? Man: I am telling everybody. ..

An old man goes into the confessional and says to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren, and last night I had an affair with two 18 year old girls. I made love with both of them twice."
The priest said: "Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?"
"Never Father, I'm Jewish."
"So then, why are you telling me?"
"I'm telling everybody."

A nun went to her Mother Superior and asked her to hear a confession. "Mother, today I experienced the pleasures of the flesh. Father Saunders came to me and told me I had the gates to Heaven between my legs. He then told me he had the key to Heaven and put it in the gates."
"Why that lying bastard!" the Mother Superior screamed. "For years he has told me it was Gabriel's trumpet and I've been blowing it!"

The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession.
"Of course, my son," said the priest.
"Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."
"That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest.
"It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors," continued the old man.
"Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk - you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her;
I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest.
"Thanks, Father," said the old man.
"That's a load off of my mind.
Can more...

A very wealthy man, old and desperately ill, summons to his bedside his closest advisors: his doctor, his priest and his lawyer. "I know," he says, "They say' you can't take it with you. But who knows? Suppose they're mistaken. I'd like to have something with me, just in case. So I am giving each of you an envelope containing $100, 000 and I would be grateful if at my funeral, you would put the envelopes in my coffin, so that if it turns out that it's useful, I'll have something." They each agree to carry out his wish. Sure enough, after just a few weeks, the old man passes away. At his funeral, each of the three advisors is seen slipping something into the coffin. After the burial, as the three are walking away together, the doctor turns to the other two and says, "Friends, I have a confession to make. As you know, a the hospital we are desperate because of the cut backs in funding. Our CAT SCAN machine broke down and we haven't be able to get a new one. So, more...

Heard on the local radio station (SUNNY 95 in Columbus Ohio)
An old man goes to a church, and is making a confession:
Man: Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years.
All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday
I was intimate with an 18 year old.
Father: When was the last time you made a confession?
Man: I never have, I am Jewish.
Father: Then why are telling me all this?
Man: I am telling everybody...

Honey, I have a confession to make, a guy told his bride. "I'm a golf nut. You'll never see me on weekends during golf season.""Well, dear," she murmured. "I have a confession to make too. I'm a hooker.""No big deal," replied the groom. "Just keep your head down and your left arm straight!"