Confession Jokes / Recent Jokes

An elderly man goes into confession and says to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren. I started taking this new Viagra pill, and last night I had an affair and made love to two 18-year-old girls. Both of them. Twice.
The priest said: "Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?" "Never Father, I'm Jewish." "So then, why are you telling me?" "Because I'm telling everybody!"

An old man goes into the confessional and says to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren, and last night I had an affair with two 18 year old girls. I made love with both of them twice."
The priest said: "Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?"
"Never Father, I'm Jewish."
"So then, why are you telling me?"
"I'm telling everybody."

An elderly man goes to confession and tells the priest, "Father, I'm 85 years old, married, have 6 children, 14 grandchildren and last night I made love to two 19 years olds twice.
"I see," said the priest. "When was the last time you were at confession?"
"Never, Father. I'm Jewish."
"Why then are you telling me," asked the priest.
"I'm telling everyone!" he replied.

This fellow comes to confession. "Father, he said, forgive mefor I have sinned."The priest asked, "What did you do, my son?""I lusted," the fellow replied."Tell me about it," the priest said. The fellow then related his story. "Father, I am a deliverymanfor UPS. Yesterday I was making a delivery in the affluentsection of the city. When I rang the bell, the door opened andthere stood the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Shehad long blonde hair and eyes like emeralds. She was dressedin a sheer dressing gown that showed her perfect figure. And, she asked if I would like to come in.""And, what did you do, my son?" asked the priest."Father, I did not go in the house but I lusted. Oh, how Ilusted," replied the man."Your sin has been forgiven," replied the priest. "You will getyour reward in heaven, my son.""A reward, father? What do you think my reward might be?"the fellow asked. The more...

An old man goes to a church, and is making a confession:Man: Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18 year old.Father: When was the last time you made a confession? Man: I never have, I am Jewish.Father: Then why are telling me all this? Man: I am telling everybody...

Bill sat alone in the hospital room at his dying wife's beside. It was difficult to hear her above the many life sustaining devices, asher voice was little more than a hoarse whisper. "Bill darling," she breathed. "I've got a confession to make before Igo... I... I'm the one who took the $10,000 from your safe in the house... I spent it on a fling with your best friendJimmy. And it was I who forced your mistress to leave the community in utter disgrace. I'm afraid I also was theone who reported you to the IRS for income tax evasion...""That's all right dearest; don't even give it a second thought." said Bill. "I have a small confession too. I'm the onewho poisoned you."

A priest is sitting in his confessional and hears an old man's voice on the other side of the screen. The old man says, "Father, I'm eighty-one years old, I've been married to the same woman for fifty-four years, and have always been faithful. But yesterday, I made wild, passionate love with a pair of lovely eighteen-year-old twin sisters."
The priest asks, "When was the last time you went to confession?"
The old man replies, "Never... I'm Jewish."
The priest is puzzled. "Then why did you come here today to tell me this?"
The old man says, "Oh... heck... I'm telling everybody!!!"