Congressional Jokes / Recent Jokes
Hillary Rodham Clinton, as a New York State Senator, now comes under this fancy "Congressional Retirement and Staffing Plan," which means that even if she never gets re-elected, she STILL receives her Congressional salary until she dies. If Bill out-lives her, he then inherits HER salary until HE dies. He is already getting his Presidential salary until he dies. If Hillary out-lives Bill, she also gets HIS salary until she dies. Guess who pays for that? WE DO! It's common knowledge that in order for her to establish NY residency, they purchased a million dollar-plus house in upscale Chappaqua, New York. Makes sense. They are entitled to Secret Service protection for life. Still makes sense. Here is where it becomes interesting. Their mortgage payments hover at around $10, 000 per month. BUT, an extra residence HAD to be built within the acreage to house the Secret Service agents. The Clintons charge the Federal government $10, 000 monthly rent for the use of that extra more...
Bill Clinton Virus:- Gives you a 7-inch hard drive, then won't allow you to query the system for information.
Hillary Clinton Virus:- Files vanish, only to mysteriously reappear a year later, but in a different directory.
George Bush Virus:- It starts by boldly stating, "Read my docs... No new files!" on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional Virus.
Congressional Virus:- The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
Congressional Virus #2:- Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.
Politically Correct Virus:- Never identifies itself as a 'virus'. Instead, it refers to itself as a 'electronic microorganism'.
Monica Lewinsky Virus: - Will suck all the memory out of your computer and then email everyone about what it more...
NEW VIRUS ALERT... immediately scan your computer for the following
viruses!
Pat Buchanan Virus:
Your system works fine, but complains loudly about
foreign software.
Colin Powell Virus:
Makes it's presence known but doesn't do anything.
Secretly you wish it would.
Hillary Clinton Virus:Files disappear, only to reappear mysteriously a
year later; in another directory.
O.J. Simpson Virus:You know it's guilty of trashing your system, but
you just can't prove it.
Bob Dole Virus:Could be virulent, but it's been around too long to be
much of a threat.
Steve Forbes Virus:All files reported as the same size.
Paul Revere Virus:This virus doesn't horse around, warns you of
impending attack. Once if by LAN, twice if by C.
Politically Correct Virus:Never identifies itself as a "virus", but
instead refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism".
Ross Perot Virus:Activates every component in your more...
OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 1. 3 GB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80mb and then slowly expands back to 1. 3 GB.
AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
MCI VIRUS: Every three minutes it reminds you that you’re paying too much for the AT&T virus.
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS: Terminates and stays resident. It’ll be back…
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS: Prevents your system from spawning any child process without joining into a binary network.
TERRY RANDLE VIRUS: Prints “oh no you don’t” whenever you choose “Abort”.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn’t allow the user to accomplish anything.
EMELDA MARCOS VIRUS: Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up, then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy.
GEORGE BUSH VIRUS: It starts by boldly stating “Read my docs…No new files! ” on more...