Consider Jokes / Recent Jokes

Who does Michael Jackson consider a Perfect "10"? Two 5 year olds.

A priest went into a Washington, D. C., barbershop, got his hair cut and asked how much he owed.
"No charge, Father," the barber said. "I consider it a service to the Lord." when the barber arrived at his shop the next morning, he found a dozen small prayer booklets on the stoop along with a thank you note from the priest.
A few days later a police officer came in. "How much do I owe you?" the cop asked after his haircut.
"No charge, officer," the barber answered. "I consider it a service to my community." The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts on the stoop along with a thank you note from the police officer.
A few days after that, a Senator walked in for a haircut. "How much do I owe you?" he asked afterward.
"No charge," the barber replied. "I consider it a service to my country." The next morning when he arrived at the shop, the barber found a dozen Senators waiting more...

A priest went into a Washington, D.C. barbershop and got his hair cut. He then asked asked how much he owed the barber. "No charge, Father," the barber said. "I consider it a service to the Lord." when the barber arrived at his shop the next morning, he found a dozen small prayer booklets on the stoop along with a thank you note from the priest.

A few days later, a police officer came in. "How much do I owe you?" the cop asked after his haircut. "No charge, officer," the barber answered. "I consider it a service to my community." The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts on the stoop along with a thank you note from the police officer.

A few days after that, a Senator walked in for a haircut. "How much do I owe you?" he asked afterward. "No charge," the barber replied. "I consider it a service to my country." The next morning when he arrived at the shop, the barber found a more...

Q: What do men consider housecleaning?
A: Lifting their feet so you can vacuum under them.

Unleash the Power of Shift!

Q: My shift keys have little arrows on them. Does that mean the *real* shift keys are located above them, and these keys are just little signs to point them out?

A: Nope, they're the Real McCoy. The little arrows mean "up", as in "look up at the screen". Your keyboard is telling you to learn to touch type and quit staring at your fingers.

Q: What happens if I press both shift keys?



A: Even bigger letters may show up on your screen. You should not use this feature, however, because these letters are also brighter, and may cause Screen Burn-In, which would be particularly embarrassing if you were typing something naughty at the time. You might consider obtaining the author's Shift Key Burn-In Protector program for only $139. 95. Or you might not, it's your computer, but don't say I didn't warn you.

Q: My religion prohibits the use of shift keys. how can i type capital more...

>>THe British Goverment's policy of socialized has recently been broaden
>>to include a service called "Proxy Fathers". Under the goverment plan,
>>any married woman who is unable to become pregant through the first five
>>years of her marriage, may request the service of a proxy father; a
>>goverment employee who attempt to solve the couple's problem by
>>impreganting the wife.
>>
>>The Smiths, a young couple, have no children and a proxy father is due
>>to arrive. Leaving for work, Mr Smith says," I'm off. The goverment man
>>should be here soon." Moments later, a door-to-door baby photographer
>>rings the bell..........
>>
>>Mrs Smith: Good morning.
>>
>>Salesman: Good morning madam. You don't know me but I've come
>>to..........
>>
>>Mrs Smith: No need to explain, I've been expecting you.
>>
>>Salesman: Really? Well good. I've made a specialty of more...

A nun gets into a cab in New York. She demurely says in a small, high, voice, "Could you please take me to Times Square?"
In a thick Brooklyn accent the cabbie initiates conversation, "Hey sista, that' s kinda a long drive? You mind if we, like, chat?"
The nun says, "Why no my son, whatever is on your mind?"
The cabbie, "About dis celibacy thing, are you telling me you never think about doin' it?"
The nun, "Why certainly, my son, the thought has crossed my mind a time or two. I am of weak human flesh you understand."
The cabbie, "Well, woulda ever consider, you know, doin'it?"
The nun, "Well, I suppose under certain conditions, in a very unique circumstan ce, I might consider it."
The cabbie, "Well what would dose conditions happen to be?"
The nun, "Well he'd have to be Catholic, unmarried and well, certainly, he coul d have no children."
The cabbie, more...